Over the years, my nieces and nephew have asked me how to combat the powers of "teen pressure". What do you say when....happens Auntie? What should I do when .... happens?
I suddenly remembered what it was like to be their age... unsure... lacking confidence... defining my own identity as a human being. I knew exactly what they needed. They needed a connection to their hidden Super Power.
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 4:7
I have found that most pre-teens and teen agers actually know what they should do. It's usually an inner tug of war between looking or being cool and doing what is right. But there are also powerful invisible forces at work. It's not always what you think.
Yes, many of their peers are pressuring them to do things that they know to be wrong or could land them in "hot water". But there is also the ironic force of "living in their parent's past success or failure" pressure. What is that you say?
Some parents had a great time in college/university and/or high school and were very successful or popular. They want their children to feel or experience what they did. It's their definition of happiness.
It's like living in the shadow of a "celebrity" parent. Even though the "celebrity" (football jock, homecoming king or queen, most talented, funniest, best looking, best grades etc) is only a somewhat faded shadow of their past which is often distorted. Ever gone someplace in your past remembering it as a palace only to realize it was only a cute cozy hut packed with fond memories when you see it as an adult?
Repeat after me. You are not your parents. Therefore, your children are not you.
Many parents believe their past success/experiences is a replicable gene. It is not.
Others are just the opposite. They had such a bad experience, they don't want their kids to have their misfortune so they fill them with their own fears, low self-esteem and woes.
Is there a balance? Yes!
Without sounding "preachy", there is a divine plan for each and every child. There is no exception.
God gave every single child a purpose ... a reason for being. You have a purpose. Know yours?
It took me awhile to find mine. But I had always been writing. I still am. But I never suspected I would write books, documentaries, blogs, vlogs, and podcasts etc.
Most of the things I do now didn't even exist when I was a child. I grew up with landline telephones and three major television stations plus the PBS channel.
Now, the internet is my office. The internet allows my work to be seen around the world!
Who would have thought? Certainly I didn't. But God did.
As a teen, instead of shouting when I was mad or confused, I would write (albeit aggressively) in my own personal journal. Everything would suddenly become clear to me.
Going for a walk after journaling helped too. I could digest what just emerged.
Who said being a teen was easy? It wasn't for me. And I was considered one of the "lucky" ones.
bar mitzvah - boys coming of age ceremony practiced by Jews age12-13 yrs
bat mitzvah - girls coming of age ceremony practiced by Jews age12-13 yrs
siddur - Hebrew prayer book
mitzvah - the command to do good unto others /a good deed
mitzvot - several good deeds which brings God's favor upon the giver
emunah - faith in GOD
bitachon - trust in GOD
Allowing your children's natural gifts and talents to emerge is one of the greatest things you can do for them. They may say they don't know what they want to do or be when they grow up, but they do have certain preferences for toys, games, foods, clothing that help them discern what they do or do not like.
Listen. Watch. Observe.
alef bets - Hebrew alphabets
davening - praying
nachas - joy/satisfaction a parent feels when his/her child does good
If you have many children, it doesn't necessarily mean they will have the same preferences. Even identical twins are different in certain ways. Your job is often just to pay attention.
Allowing them to explore games, toys, puzzles, museums, new places also allows them to help define themselves in a way they can better articulate to you and themselves. Many times the vision they have is something that does not yet exist.
They may be the person who will one day bring an invention or needed cure into the world. Lucky them. Lucky you.
Know what else helps? Allowing them to hear their own thoughts. It's even better if they can safely share those thoughts with you without ridicule.
Encourage respectful open and honest communication. There is nothing worse (in my opinion) than a teen bursting with new and fresh ideas only to have them squashed by an adult or parent who doesn't see the word possible in impossible.
Allow them to THINK BIG even if you don't completely understand what they're talking about. Edify their BIG DREAMS, goals and IDEAS, then encourage them to lay a firm foundation underneath to achieve it or get there. That's real love.
Support. Guide. Encourage.
But let them pray, contemplate, ask for help and then take the necessary steps. These are life tools.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22
It will help you and them to always be dreaming, planning, and growing. They will be too busy strategizing 
their divine life plan to get into trouble.
In fact, having BIG DREAMS and GOALS are the best distraction from bad company. They (and you) will be more inclined to seek relationships with people going places, desiring to achieve, build and grow too.
Your discussions will also help you grow closer as a family. You're building a genuine long term relationship with your children. Trust.
Writing in a faith based journal can help. The Psalm Journal on this page is a good one.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105
Journals like the one here, encourages pre-teens and teen agers to sit, think, and pray before they take action. They may actually seek you, parent or guardian, for advice. Wouldn't that be nice?
It also reminds them that they have 24/7 daily access to Almighty God for wisdom, guidance, and protection. That's great assurance for parents and the best Super Power you can offer any child!
Send it as an anytime gift to your own pre-teen, teenager(s), niece, nephew or friends of the family. You can even donate copies to your favorite teen organization, after school program, private school, bible or torah study group, hebrew school, hillel or yeshiva class. Whatever!
It also makes a great high school graduation, bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah gift. We offer discounts at checkout when you order multiple units in a single order!
Click here to order your Personal Daily Psalm Journal for Teens!
Don't know any pre-teens, teens, or grads? No problem. Your donations help us to support education!
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"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
LeTicia Lee is author of My Love is One and producer of the documentary My Love is One Tell Them!
*Parents may enjoy the 31 days of Wisdom Journal for themselves
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