Hello everyone,
Have you ever had one of those days where you’re just like:
“I just don’t want to.”
Or better yet…
“Fuck this shit. I don’t want to adult anymore.”
Yeah. Today is one of those days for me.
And honestly, I hate when I get into these moods.
Well… I guess that’s not 100% true because if I’m being real, I usually know how I got here. It’s rarely one giant thing. It’s usually a bunch of little choices stacking on top of each other until suddenly I wake up feeling mentally and physically drained.
Yesterday was actually a really good day for me. I felt happy, productive, light. Because I was feeling so good, I stayed up waiting for my husband to get home from work.
Mistake number one.
When he got home, he had a hard day at work, and somehow his bad day made me feel guilty for having a good one.
I don’t fully understand why I do that, but I do.
Maybe some of you do too.
Then there was mistake number two: I had been drinking.
Now let me say this clearly because I know how the internet likes to run with things—I enjoy drinking sometimes. But I also know myself well enough to admit that mentally and physically, I do better when I don’t drink.
I’ve gone long periods without alcohol before. But usually what happens is something—or someone—triggers me into drinking “just one time,” and then slowly that one time turns into every day for a while.
And during those periods, I slowly stop doing all the things that are actually good for me.
I stop sleeping on a schedule.
I stop eating properly.
I stop going outside.
I stop going to the gym.
I stop taking care of myself.
And then eventually I hit the “fuck it” stage.
The “I’m not adulting today” stage.
And after that comes the depression.
Honestly? I’m tired of this cycle.
But I’m also realistic about where I am in my life right now.
Yes, I’ve gotten help.
Yes, I’ll continue getting help.
And yes, this is still something I struggle with sometimes.
Right now, this is just my truth.
I have bipolar disorder, and I’m also the child of addicts. Those two things shaped me whether I like it or not.
But before anyone starts feeling sorry for me—don’t.
I’ve worked really hard over the years to create systems that protect me from completely falling apart during these moments.
I’m not out here destroying my life, selling my belongings, or hurting people around me. And that’s not judgment toward anyone struggling at that level because addiction is brutal, and I’ve seen firsthand what people will do trying to escape themselves or chase relief.
I understand it deeply because I grew up around it.
But I also made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would fight like hell not to let it consume me.
Since I was young, I’ve searched for people who could help me understand myself better. Therapists. Doctors. Books. Programs. Coping skills. Behavioral units. Trial and error. More trial. More error.
And after years of learning how to manage myself, I finally have a system that’s actually helping me.
Crossing my fingers. Pray for me lol.
Now… mistake number three.
Instead of going to bed when I should have, I stayed up even later trying to make my husband feel better after his hard day.
And honestly? The adult thing for me to do would’ve been to let him process his own feelings while I protected my own energy and went to sleep.
But I could see how exhausted and emotionally beat up he was, and I wanted to help.
And apparently I did a great job because this man woke me up before my alarm clock this morning looking for “attention.” 😂
So now here I am today dealing with the consequences of yesterday’s choices.
I feel drained.
Tired.
Unmotivated.
Emotionally heavy.
The “fuck this shit, not today” feeling is strong right now.
But here’s the difference between who I used to be and who I am becoming:
I’m naming my feelings instead of becoming them.
I’m taking accountability without beating myself up.
That part matters.
Because this isn’t the end of the world.
It’s not a ruined life.
It’s not failure.
It’s just a bad moment.
And bad moments pass.
So instead of spiraling, I stick to what I call my “Do It Anyway” list.
This list honestly changed my life.
It’s a very small list of the absolute minimum things I need to do to keep my life functioning when my brain is fighting me.
That’s it.
Once I complete that list, I officially have permission to do nothing else for the rest of the day without guilt.
And surprisingly, that keeps me from completely collapsing into chaos.
Because when you’re mentally struggling, sometimes survival isn’t about thriving. Sometimes it’s about maintaining enough structure that tomorrow still feels possible.
My list usually includes things like:
- Shower
- Brush my teeth
- Drink water
- Feed myself something decent
- One productive task
That’s it.
Five things max.
No unrealistic expectations.
No “completely reinvent your life by 2 PM” nonsense.
Just enough to keep me connected to myself.
And if you don’t already have a list like this, I highly suggest creating one.
But keep it realistic. Seriously.
Don’t put 37 things on it trying to prove you’re still productive. That defeats the purpose.
Your “Do It Anyway” list should support you, not shame you.
Some days survival mode is still progress.
And honestly, some days the strongest thing you can do is keep showing up imperfectly instead of disappearing completely.
So today I may not be thriving… but I’m still here.
And right now, that’s enough.
If you need help creating your own “Do It Anyway” list or building systems that help you function during hard moments, I’m always here to help.
I also linked my store below where you can download worksheets and templates designed to help you help yourself.
https://payhip.com/HelpYourselfHub
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