Hello Everybody,
Have you ever been triggered by something you didn’t even expect to trigger you?
I spend a lot of time self-reflecting because I feel like it’s my responsibility to learn, grow, and do better. Let me be the first to say: self-reflection sucks ass 99.9% of the time. Because it forces you to ask yourself — and answer — some really hard questions. And honestly, who wants to do that all the time? Apparently, I do. Lol.
Anyway… ready for story time?
This morning, my husband and I got up early because we actually went to bed on time. Yay us. Right?
So we woke up, had a fruit salad for breakfast — trying to get our lives together, I guess. Since we had time before he had to go to work, we decided to watch a movie. A comedy. He let me choose. Sweet, right?
If life could just flash giant stop signs in front of our faces before we make dumb decisions, maybe we’d avoid half the unnecessary drama we create for ourselves. Because if I had seen the warning signs ahead of time, this would’ve been one of those moments I skipped completely.
I picked a comedy on Netflix called Ladies First. Big mistake. SMH.
The movie was about a man trying to become CEO of his company. Nothing crazy. Pretty standard setup. Except all the men in the beginning were chauvinistic assholes toward the women. Like extra-extra. Over-the-top ridiculous for comedy purposes. I understood the point they were trying to make, but apparently my husband found it way funnier than I did.
And I started getting in my feelings before I even understood why.
Back to the movie.
At one point, the main male character hits his head and wakes up in a world run by women — basically an “upside-down world.” Not like Stranger Things upside down, but they actually used that phrase in the movie.
Again, my husband was laughing hard at some of the jokes. And honestly? Some of them were funny. But by that point, I was too triggered to enjoy any of it.
So I had the brilliant idea to go smoke. Yes, we smoke Black & Milds. Stop judging.
Anyway, he told me there was only a little bit left, but he still wanted to smoke with me. I suggested he just run to the store and grab another one first. The store is literally right down the street. I walk there all the time because I don’t drive — story for another day.
But instead, he paused the movie and came out to the back porch with me.
I handed him the Black thinking he’d light it, take a hit, then head to the store.
He did not.
He lit it… and kept smoking it.
Now, in his defense, it wasn’t a lot. But somehow the point became that I didn’t even get any, and suddenly I was irritated. So I told him I’d just walk to the store myself and get my own.
Looking confused, he said no, he’d drive and go get more.
While I waited for him to come back, I could feel myself getting angrier. Because to me, all of this felt unnecessary. If he had just gone to the store when I first suggested it, none of this would’ve turned into a whole emotional event in my head.
When he got back, he asked if we could talk.
Then he asked me why I was really upset.
I told him everything I just told y’all. He apologized and said he genuinely didn’t see it that way. He said he just wanted to sit with me and smoke together.
Then — because apparently both of us are trying to grow emotionally now, which honestly feels suspicious sometimes — he asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks:
“What’s the real reason you’re this upset?”
First of all… rude. Lol.
Second of all… he was right.
After sitting with it for a minute, I realized I wasn’t truly upset about the Black & Mild at all.
I felt dismissed.
That movie had already stirred something up in me because, as women, a lot of us know what it feels like to not be heard. Not all women. Not all men. I’m not trying to turn this into a political debate. I’m just talking about a feeling that I know is real for a lot of people.
While watching the movie, I remember thinking:
Why does everything always have to become “men over women” or “women over men”?
Why can’t it just be the best person for the job?
That thought stayed with me longer than I realized.
So when the smoking situation happened, my emotions attached themselves to something much deeper than what was actually happening in that moment. And instead of recognizing that immediately, I reacted from the trigger instead of the truth.
We never did finish the movie, so I honestly can’t even tell you how it ended.
He went to work.
And I went on a deep dive into my own behavior, emotions, and triggers.
That’s the frustrating thing about healing and self-awareness: sometimes the smallest moments reveal the biggest wounds.
And unfortunately, growth doesn’t always happen during peaceful meditation with soft music playing in the background. Sometimes growth happens because you got mad over a Black & Mild and had to sit there realizing it was never really about the Black & Mild in the first place.
Life is funny like that.
So if you relate to this story and you’ve been struggling to identify your own emotional triggers, I’m here to help.
And if you want to start doing some deeper self-work on your own, my link is below so you can help yourself too.
https://payhip.com/HelpYourselfHub
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