Hello Everyone,
Today I was reminded that relationships take work.
Duh, right? Everybody knows that.
So why did one of my friends feel like she had to remind me of it?
Well… surface-level answer:
I suck at reaching out to people consistently.
Not because I don’t care.
Not because I’m not thinking about them.
I’m just not one of those people who likes being on the phone all day or feels the need to talk every single day.
And honestly, I used to think that was just my personality.
But after our conversation, I realized she had a point.
I told her I heard her and that I would put more effort into reaching out more consistently. But later on, I noticed I was still thinking about it.
Like really thinking about it.
Asking myself:
“Why don’t I reach out?”
Because the truth is, there are times when I genuinely want to talk to somebody… and I still won’t call anyone.
And that made me stop and look at myself a little deeper.
I have a really good circle of people. People who would absolutely be there for me if I needed them.
So why don’t I give them the chance to be?
And no… I think it’s deeper than me just being an Aquarius 😂
If I had to put a name to it, I guess it’s abandonment issues mixed with trust issues.
See, when I was younger, my grandmother had the option to keep me living with her… and she chose not to.
Now before anybody starts judging her, life is complicated and adults are human too. But as a child, none of that mattered to me.
My grandmother was my whole world.
And when I had to move away from her, it shattered my heart.
Even though technically I was the one who moved away, emotionally it felt like she abandoned me.
And I think a part of me never fully got over that.
As for the trust issues… I realized I struggle trusting people to consistently do what they say they’re going to do because after we moved, I felt emotionally neglected by a lot of people.
Phone calls stopped. Check-ins stopped. Consistency stopped.
And when those kinds of things happen to you as a child, your brain starts adapting.
You stop expecting people to show up.
You start becoming overly independent.
You convince yourself:
“I don’t need anybody.”
But the truth is… most of us do need people.
Not in a weak way. In a human way.
And whew… looks like I still got some inner child work to do.
Goody. Lucky me 😂
Honestly, I find it fascinating how life keeps revealing the things we still need to heal.
It’s almost like we’re here to learn lessons, and every relationship, every trigger, every uncomfortable moment is trying to teach us something about ourselves.
And maybe once we finally learn the lesson… we grow into the next version of ourselves.
Hmm.
That’s probably a conversation for another day though.
Back to relationships.
All healthy relationships—the ones worth having anyway—require ongoing effort from everybody involved.
Friendships. Marriages. Family relationships. Parenting. Business relationships. Even the relationship you have with yourself.
They all require maintenance.
Because once the effort becomes too one-sided for too long, the relationship slowly starts to break down.
Not always dramatically either.
Sometimes relationships don’t explode.
Sometimes they quietly fade from neglect.
That part is important.
Because a lot of people think love alone keeps relationships alive.
It doesn’t.
Attention does.
Effort does.
Communication does.
Consistency does.
The grass really is greener where it gets watered.
And honestly? That applies to people too.
The people who feel appreciated, seen, loved, heard, and prioritized tend to stay connected.
And this applies to your relationship with yourself too.
You can’t neglect yourself emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically and then wonder why you feel disconnected from your own life.
Relationships need nurturing.
All of them.
So maybe today’s lesson for me was this:
Being independent is not the same thing as being emotionally unavailable.
And allowing people to love you is just as important as loving them back.
That one hit me a little hard not gonna lie.
So if you’ve been meaning to call someone, text someone, check on somebody, or even reconnect with yourself… this is your reminder.
Water the relationships you want to keep alive.
And if you need help figuring out which relationships in your life need more attention—or how to build healthier ones—I’m here to help.
I also linked my store below where you can find worksheets and workbooks designed to help you help yourself.
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