There’s something uncomfortable about being in a season where you don’t have a clear answer to “What’s next?”
I'm currently transitioning employment because for my sake and that of my family, I need to protect my mental peace. I thank God everyday for the spiritual maturity and awareness I have. Stressors of life, physical fatigue and struggling to adjust to a new career field - 9 months after transitioning - had me in a place where I was experiencing depression.
I was either distant at home around my husband and children or I was present but I was irritable, short fused and miserable. Crying everyday, attitude flying out of my mouth and eyes (smh). I would snap at Roman (my 3 year old), and I could see in his eyes that he didn't understand my reaction. He was just being a kid; asking questions, loving on me, treating me as his safe space.... and I yelled at him, out of annoyance and frustration. Immediately, I would apologize, hug him, and tend to his needs. But the overwhelming guilt would flood over and just be this constant stream, and just as the stream is drying out - BOOM! Flood waters again.
In those moments, I see my mom. I remember how I felt in those moments and I always said I didn't want to ever make my children feel like that. Well, here I was adding one more failure to an already very long list of failures.
Getting back to my original point - I’m walking through that kind of season right now. There’s uncertainty, a shift in how I see myself, and a desire to build habits that support the person I’m becoming. I’m hopeful, but I also have questions. I’m trusting God while still wanting a little peek at the plan. Can you tell that even after more than 15 years of being saved, I STILL HAVE CONTROL ISSUES. I am a work in progress, as so are you <3
And through all of it, I’m learning to give myself grace.
Grace to have a hard day. Grace to learn something new without being good at it immediately. Grace to make a plan, need to adjust it, and begin again.
I can be patient with someone else’s growth and still expect myself to have everything figured out by now. I’m asking God to help me bring some of that same patience into the way I speak to myself.
Who am I in this season?
Change has a way of bringing identity questions to the surface. And man have I questioned the very gifts I used to be so secure in that I knew God had placed in me, so much so that even as I am applying to new work opportunities I doubt that I could even fulfill the responsibilities they are listing; even though I can run you through my employment history and pinpoint when and how I've exercised those very responsibilities.
Who am I when my routine changes? When a role no longer fits? When the next opportunity hasn’t arrived yet?
I’m learning how easily I can measure myself by what I accomplish, how much I contribute, or how useful I feel. When those things become uncertain, my confidence can feel uncertain too.
But Scripture gives me somewhere steadier to stand.
Ephesians 2:10 reminds me that I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. Before I know the title, the schedule, or the next assignment, I already belong to Him.
I want that truth to shape how I see myself. There are still things for me to discover, skills to develop, and decisions to make. I can approach those things knowing my worth is already secure in Christ.
Trusting God with the unanswered questions
Proverbs 3:5–6 calls me to trust the Lord with all my heart, acknowledge Him, and allow Him to direct my path.
Living that out takes practice.
Sometimes I pray about something and then spend the rest of the day trying to mentally solve every possible outcome. I want to trust God, but I also want to know when, how, and what I should prepare for.
I’m learning to bring those questions into prayer honestly. I don’t have to pretend I feel peaceful when I’m worried. I can tell God where I’m struggling and ask Him to help me take the next step.
Some days, that prayer is simply:
Lord, I don’t know what comes next. Please help me recognize what I can do today and trust You with what I can’t see.
Building Habits with Room for Grace
In this season, I want to build a rhythm I can actually return to.
That might mean reading a short passage of Scripture before reaching for my phone. Taking a walk, drinking some water, or choosing one task to finish before moving to another. Or even writing down a prayer instead of carrying the same thought around all day - I might add that a recently purchased "Journaling with Jesus" journal has been extremely helpful in getting the worries out of my mind and instead focusing on how God WANTS to help me through it all has been a blessing.
Small things, practiced with intention.
I’m also learning to leave room for being human. A missed morning doesn’t have to become a missed week. A difficult day doesn’t erase the effort that came before it. I can notice what got in the way, adjust, and try again.
Lamentations 3:22–23 reminds me that God’s mercies are new every morning. I find comfort in knowing I can meet a new day with fresh mercy, even when yesterday felt unfinished.
Making room for who I’m becoming
I’m still discovering what this next chapter will look like.
There are parts of the process that feel exciting and parts that feel tender. I’m allowing myself to acknowledge both. I can be grateful for what God has done and still need His comfort as things change.
Philippians 1:6 reminds me of God’s faithfulness to continue the good work He began. That helps me loosen the pressure to rush my growth or have a polished explanation for this season.
For today, I can spend time with Him. Take one practical step. Practice one habit. Speak to myself with a little more kindness.
And when tomorrow comes, I can ask for His help again.
A prayer for this season
Lord, thank You for meeting me here, even with all my questions. Help me see myself through Your truth and receive the grace You freely give. Guide my decisions, shape my habits, and teach me to be patient as I grow. When uncertainty feels heavy, remind me that I belong to You. Give me courage for today and trust for what comes next. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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What are you learning to give yourself grace for in this season? If you feel comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Coffee in hand, hope in Him.
Ana 🕊️
Isaiah 40:31
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