I am looking for advice and ratings for the most accurate, most meaningful and best translation of the song from Croatian to US-English, which will become the official translation.
I would be grateful for comments, even if it is just a comment, "This is the best version for me" or "This one is not good because it is not written in proper US-English".
Thank you all.
Here is the table of contents, or rather the list and description of the translations.
VERSIONS (A u meni je jesen - And it's autumn in me)
- Original Croatian Lyrics
- Closest possible direct translation of the poem (without rhyme)
- Closest possible direct translation of the poem (with rhyme)
- Attempt at a slightly freer translation (with rhyme)
- Slightly more creative and freer translation (with rhyme)
- Completely free translation (with rhyme)
- 1. Original Croatian Lyrics
A u meni je jesen
Sve su stvari sjele,
na svoje mjesto,
i zbilja ne tražim više;
ne treba mi.
Umoran od puta,
znoj sa sebe brišem,
a došao sam ni od kuda.
Stavljam ruke u džep,
lijepim osmijeh na lice,
vadim suzu iz oka,
i izlazim među svijet.
Oni takvog me žele,
i nema smisla da biram,
i glumim dobro;
iako glumačku školu,
prošao nisam.
A u meni je jesen:
mračne ulice puste
i onaj težak zrak.
A u meni je jesen:
rosno, maglovito jutro,
i onaj težak mrak.
- 2. Closest possible direct translation of the poem (without rhyme)
And it's autumn in me
All things have fallen
into place,
and I really don't seek
anymore; I don't need them.
Tired from the journey,
I wipe the sweat from myself,
and I came from nowhere.
I put my hands in my pockets,
paste a smile on my face,
brush away a tear from my eye,
and go out into the world.
That's how they want me,
and there's no point in me choosing
and acting well;
although I didn't go to acting school.
And it's autumn in me:
the dark streets are deserted
and that heavy air.
And it's autumn in me:
a dewy, foggy morning,
and that abyssal darkness.
- 3. Closest possible direct translation of the poem (with rhyme)
And it's autumn in me
All things have settled
in their place,
and I no longer crave
their presence, nor their gaze.
Tired from the road,
I brush my features, worn and frail,
and find myself at nought
where the journey's path does trail.
I put my hands in pockets deep,
paste a smile on my real face,
cleaning away a tear's dark keep,
and step out into the vast expanse.
That's how they want me to be,
a mask that fits with ease,
no choice to make, no art to see;
though I never took the stage with expertise.
And autumn's chill is in my bones:
dark streets lie empty, still and grey;
heavy air that clings like a moan.
And autumn's misty veil is on my soul:
foggy mornings, darkness that makes me whole.
- 4. Attempt at a slightly freer translation (with rhyme)
And it's autumn in me
All the pieces fall in line,
and honestly, I’m doing fine.
No more searching, I’m complete,
this place is where I find my beat.
Weary from the road I roam,
I wipe the sweat, I’m far from home.
Came from nowhere, here I stand,
lost in time, but I’ve made my plan.
With my hands tucked in my coat,
a smile’s glued, it keeps me afloat.
Catch a tear before it can fall,
step outside, I’ll face it all.
They want me to be this way,
no point in choosing how to play.
Pretend to shine, though it feels strange,
never been trained, but I won’t change.
And within me, autumn reigns,
dark and quiet, pulling chains.
And within me, autumn flows,
dewy mornings, shadows grow.
- 5. Slightly more creative and freer translation (with rhyme)
And it's autumn in me
Everything has settled down,
in its place, without a sound.
I've had my fill of life's bitter taste,
weariness etched on my weary face.
Tired from the road I’ve crossed,
wiping sweat, counting what is lost.
Though I've journeyed through the gloom,
a heavy heart in a solitary room.
Hands in pockets, stare into the night,
restrain the tears, hide the inner fight.
Stepping out into the cold, harsh day,
put on a mask, keep the pain at bay.
They expect a smile, but I feign,
a facade to mask the soul's deep pain.
I go along with the play, with a sigh,
a broken spirit, but never to comply.
And within me, autumn's mournful sigh,
empty streets beneath a grieving sky.
Within me, the fog of despair engulfs,
as darkness cloaks the echoes of unfulfilled hopes.
- 6. Completely free translation (with rhyme)
And it's autumn in me
All the pieces have fallen in place,
and honestly, I’ve found my space.
I’m not searching for anything more;
I’m content with this life at my core.
Weary from the endless fight,
I wipe the sweat, seeking the light.
Running in circles, lost in a daze,
yet still I search for better days.
I slip my hands deep in my coat,
paint a smile that keeps me afloat.
Catch a tear before it can spill,
and step out to face the world at will.
They ask me to put on a show,
no time to think, just let it flow.
I’ll fake it until I know for sure,
but the craft of deception, I can't endure.
Autumn within me reigns:
streets of shadows, quiet and still,
beneath the weight of a sorrowful will.
Autumn within me reigns:
mornings lost in rosy mist,
haunting dreams that cling and persist.
Song Description: (Scroll down for Voting)
This is a song about the struggle with depression and the rejection of depressed individuals along with their genuine feelings and moods.
It's not just about them; we all, to some extent, act through life and hide our dark feelings, our sorrows, and our weaknesses.
For those dealing with depression, this is even harder.
This is because people want to see us happy, smiling, and in good spirits, regardless of whether we truly are or not.
Unfortunately, this is the reality in which people prefer lies over the truth. It becomes completely irrelevant how we feel and how much we battle with it.
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