The second quarter of the year is always my trickiest energy wise - it features long school holidays at either side and a birthday party to organise plus all of the school activities and ceremonies and mum running in between.
It is fair to say, but late June, as the long school summer holidays begin, I'm feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and touched out.
It is always tempting to give in to the slower mornings and languish, but in spite of my chronic illness that brings fatigue and debilitating pain, I'm a restless soul. Be that eldest parentified daughter, or gen-x 'have it all, or burnt out academic perfectionist in me - I can't seem to sit still unless my body makes me.
Nevertheless, as my 46th year around the sun approaches, I am learning that I do need to master the art of resting - not collapsing.
In order to do this - I also need my headspace and home space to feel clear.
I'm prompted to sit and write this post this morning because I always love the 'clear the decks' energy that a new month, new quarter, end of school year brings. I want to harness that energy - I want to harness all and any energy I can grasp onto.
Pouring my energy into what makes me feel energised: a list of no particular order
This morning I decided to get up first in order to grab a little slice of solitude and quiet. This was in spite of a torrid night of insomnia. I resisted the temptation to laze. I was rewarded with sighting of our resident pair of bullfinches as I sipped a - hot and fresh - cup of coffee.
I then relished in taking the first shower and then stripped the bedding. Shedding the old day, month and signalling that clean slate. These seem tiny, inconsequential steps, but living with chronic illness means these take a huge chunk of my energy - but this is worth it to me.
I decided to put on some 'nice' clothes - cooling as this weather and meds make me overheat. A pair of shorts I'd be 'saving' - what for, I'm not entirely sure; so tags were snipped off and I popped them on.
I put on some eye-masks and sat with nothing other than birdsong and a second coffee.
Restlessness crept in - as I said - I do not find it easy to sit and 'rest'.
I decided what I want to feel like this month; this quarter and began to make a list of the tiny ways in which I - in this body and with my resources (meagre in cash and in support) can realistically do.
I decided to write this blog; first thinking of making it a list to post on social medias, but then realising that the caption would be too long!
I thought - why not blog it - just off the cuff - as it is - share because I know that some of you who read this will get it; it will resonate; and it might prompt you to use some of your precious energies on the things that make you feel better.
Writing this list of the tiny, small, mundane, obvious things that can make us feel 'fresher' has also prompted me to think about the larger changes I want to make - and how I can also make these realistic for me.
Some of those relate to writing and how I want to develop my author career; and within that there are questions about whether I am actually putting my energies into the right areas.
As always - not always.
Why I love a mid-year stock take
Much like an hourglass shape of writing structure in an academic essay - from the broad question to your focussed argument and evidence and back to the big picture conclusion - my years usually take that kind of shape too.
I almost always add more and get less focussed as the year begins and then by this mid-point - my energy pinch point - I realise that I have become unfocused, distracted, frightened, thinking in the short term.
It is useful to have time to reflect back and plan forward - what has been working and what is really not serving your bigger goals - or your everyday energies.
This mid-point review is also always bittersweet for me - it invariably shows me that I have managed to progress more than I think, but that I have also gotten in my own way by allowing my focus to be swayed in directions that really are not serving the big picture; the padding on my argument; the 'look at all the interesting, but not particularly relevant to this question' things I've read.
So, like all good works in progress, this draft is also your reminder to pare back; to get back to your essential thread; to think about how you want to make your point.
Less of all the things and more of what is most important.
Hope this helps you make your next six months your best ones yet too.
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