If you are anything like me, one of your goals might be to develop and cultivate a practice of 'writing first'.
We know that our writing is our priority - not only important in and of itself - but also important when we are writing to publication and our writing forms part of our career/trajectory and/or part of our income.
I'm approaching 46 and I am still struggling with practicing this important lesson; I struggled with it whilst in academia where all other responsibilities and roles seemed more urgent (even when not always important).
I struggle with it now - even over five years on from leaving academia and trying to find a way to make my writing my work as I battle progressive, debilitating, chronic illnesses.
I especially struggle with it because I am also a mum; and since becoming an 'at home worker', I've also slipped into the role of default parent and dealing with most of the household tasks.
Everything, all of the time, and all around me, once again seems urgent - even when I know a pile of laundry, or some crumbs on the kitchen floor, are less important than showing up to write and progress my publication goals.
Resetting again: a half term experiment
I'm writing this post today in the aftermath of a busy 'back to school' morning as my kids returned to school after a short half-term break.
This is usually a day and time where I need to simply rest and recoup some energies as chronic illness does not take a break and any times when we are all at home is huge fun, but also uses up a huge amount of energy.
And yet, today, I'm organised and at my desk writing at 9.30am.
How have I been able to reset this default?
Over half-term, I experimented with not doing anything other than having fun with my kids and resting.
I didn't clean or cook meals from scratch or tackle the laundry pile or hoover or pick up and tidy as I usually do. I didn't think about grocery shopping or step in to plan meals. I didn't 'pop into' the supermarket.
We used what was in the cupboards and freezer and no one went hungry and no one complained.
None of this is new; none of this is anything we don't already know about the invisible labour and mental load of motherhood.
It is not that all the work I do by default usually is thankless - but it is not all that important.
What is important is unpicking and understanding why I have continued to let this take up my energies and time over my writing, especially as I've become more unwell.
Of course, there is the engrained gendered pressures and the internalised 'shame' of being 'at home' and part-time self-employed; those of us living with 'invisible' illnesses know this well.
But what I am now - again- working hard to change is my default settings.
Of course I am a mum, but I'm also a writer and I am serious about becoming an indie author.
It's not that I have to give any element up, but I can make better decisions about what parts of care work and labour I focus most of my energies.
I can continue to be an excellent mum - who is less frazzled and more relaxed about 'what's for tea' - and use more headspace for my writing. A few nights a week with snack teas or 'things on toast' are fine - completely ordinary and actually often just what we want.
If you need a reminder to check your default settings and unpick why the urgent - but not important - take your best energies - this post is for you too.
I know it's difficult. That's why I'm writing this same message again.
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