i opened up to my own arms.
my partner taught me how to hold myself.
how even when the borderline girl inside me fractures,
love stays to remind the pulse before a hurricane
it doesn’t need to scream to be seen.
and through the tears i released into their chest
became the sanctum where a moss-girl conquers lightning with self-compassion.
i didn’t know healing looked like grieving during the holidays
but choosing to love the moment anyway,
for the hearts who stay.
i didn’t know it felt like watching a wish return to me
in the way my toddlers look at me —
like i’m not the monster i was raised to believe in.
hope met me as a shadow and a sunbeam,
hues of indigo and pale blue,
and through grief and the humming of a little girl beneath my heartbeat,
a midnight asking me to become the curse
became the way i showed myself
a halo chipped is still a god.
and when i returned to my own body lovingly,
even on the days my hands are still gallows foaming for my communion,
i became the altar where a shadow crowns itself into a sparrow.
— blue evergarden
12.7.25