Right then, let’s have a proper look at this, shall we? Because if I hear one more person moaning that "the youth of today can’t even read a bloody paragraph without needing an explosion," I might lose my rag.
You’ve probably noticed it if you’ve picked up a modern book lately. Page one, paragraph one, and boom—someone’s house has blown up, or they’ve discovered they’re secretly a wizard, or their spouse has run off with the milkman. It’s called an "inciting incident," and apparently, authors are terrified that if they don’t put it right at the top, readers today will bin their book faster than a cold cup of tea.
Now, the easy thing to do here is shake our walking sticks at the clouds and blame mobile phones. "Ooh, TikTok’s ruined everyone’s brains, nobody’s got the patience anymore, we’re a right mess."
And aye, there’s a bit of truth to that. We do live in a world where people get a cob on if the kettle takes more than thirty seconds to boil. But if you ask me, the real shame isn't just that writers are rushing—it's that we, the readers, are missing out on the good stuff because we won't give a book five minutes to breathe.
Here’s my two pence on why books are moving at ninety miles an hour, and why we all need to take a deep breath and give page one a proper chance:
1. It costs nowt to quit (but we're losing out)
Back in my day, if you saved up your hard-earned brass, walked down to the shop, and bought a paperback, you were bloody well going to finish it. Even if the first fifty pages were just descriptions of a field, you persevered because you’d invested your money. And you know what? Nine times out of ten, once you got past that field, the story was brilliant.
Now? Folk have got these Kindle gadgets and subscription things. They download a "sample" for free. They haven't spent a bean. So, if a book doesn’t grab 'em by the throat on page one, they just click off. But judging a 400-page novel on its first three paragraphs is like judging a three-course meal by looking at the parsley garnish. We’ve got five million choices in our pockets, aye, but we're discarding absolute gems because we're too impatient to wait for the engine to start.
2. The "pulp fiction" trap
Folk talk about the "slow burn" of old books like it’s a chore. They look at Jane Austen or Charles Dickens and think, "Oof, too much text." So instead, we look to the old pulp paperbacks from the fifties—the cheap thrillers where a dame walked into the office with a gun in paragraph two.
This fast-paced stuff isn't some new-fangled invention, it’s just the high-street style of storytelling. But let's remember: those pulp books were meant to be read and thrown away. If we demand that every book starts with a gunshot, we’re completely killing off the art of suspense. A roller coaster is only thrilling because of the slow, clanking climb to the top. If it’s just loop-the-loops from the second you sit down, you just end up feeling sick.
3. It depends on what you're buying—so change your mindset
Let's be fair, it’s not every book. If you're buying one of those fancy literary novels that wins awards, you're still going to get fifty pages of a bloke staring out a window thinking about his childhood. Folk who like that sort of thing are happy to wait.
But even if you’re buying a thriller, a sci-fi, or one of those romance books with a dragon on the cover, why are we rushing the author? Writers are being forced to cram the climax into the introduction just to keep us from clicking away. We’ve turned reading into a race. You haven’t bought a ticket just to get to the end of the ride as fast as possible; you’re supposed to be enjoying the scenery!
The Verdict
So, is society ruined because books don't dawdle anymore?
Nah. But we are doing ourselves a massive disservice. We’re living in an age where time is tight, but a book shouldn't feel like a frantic TikTok video. Writers are doing their best to hook you before you wander off, but as readers, we need to meet them halfway.
A bit of patience never hurt anyone. Next time you pick up a book, don't chuck it in the corner if the first three paragraphs don't blow your socks off. Put your phone in the other room, brew a proper cuppa, and give it at least three chapters. Let the author set the stage. You might just find that the best stories take a little bit of time to unfold.
What do you lot think? Are you guilty of binning a book too early if it doesn't start with a bang, or are you happy to let a story simmer? Let me know in the comments below—and keep it civil, I’ve got a headache.
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