Family Emergency Contact Application — Unhinged Printable PDF

Sharing DNA does not automatically make someone qualified to handle your emergencies. It barely makes them invited.

The Family Emergency Contact Application is a 12-page, fully unhinged interview for determining which relative can actually be trusted when everything goes wrong.

Applicants will be questioned about:

• Answering calls at disrespectful hours

• Transportation and escape capabilities

• Emotional stability

• Medical emergencies

• Family-drama containment

• Money, bail, children, and pets

• Confidentiality and digital cleanup

• Snacks, alibis, and suspiciously specific supplies

The final candidate must also complete an Official Emergency Contact Field Examination involving a large towel, two batteries, one lemon, and absolutely no vague Facebook posts.

Perfect for:

• Family game nights

• Reunions and holidays

• Adult siblings

• Best friends who became family

• Care packages

• Funny birthday gifts

• Anyone deciding which relative gets listed first

This is the longer, family-chaos edition. For a shorter general version, see our Official Emergency Contact Application.

You’ll receive one 12-page printable PDF instantly after purchase.

This is a humorous novelty product and does not replace real emergency planning, medical documentation, legal forms, or conversations with the people responsible for your care.

Digital product only. No physical item will be mailed.