CONSUMER - a Discordian epistle

CONSUMER was discovered by the author in 2008, where she stumbled upon it scrawled across the walls of an abandoned subway platform. Or so she explained to us, while wildly gesticulating at a large corkboard covered in maps and sticky notes and ragged pieces of red string.

If her (to use the term generously) testimony is to be believed, the actual composition may have been performed by a feral swarm of rats or similar-appearing Creature. However, in accordance with the allegedly ancient Discordian precept of auctor comitatus or "finders keepers," she claims sole rights to this document, until such time as a swarm of literate rats in a trenchcoat arrives to seize it from her.

With all due diligence she did pursue them at the time for a statement, as did we. They were adamant in refusing to provide one. Unless "running away very fast" can be construed as a statement. In which case, their eloquence far surpasses our own, and may Goddess have mercy upon her and them and you and us in equal measure.