Failing at Life: The Ten Rules

FAILING AT LIFE: THE 10 RULES.  WHY YOU NEED TO BUY THIS BOOK NOW!

You are about to read the first, thoroughly researched rule book for failure and unhappiness. If you’re reading this, you’ve either stumbled into the wrong section of the bookstore or finally accepted that traditional self-help is about as useful as a waterproof teabag. Either way, you’re welcome here! Once you’ve read this guide, you can be certain you’re well on your way to achieving greater heights of either. Or both.

Forget everything you’ve ever read in a self-help book. No, really. Dump them in the trash. Burn them. Unlearn it all. For decades, so-called Experts™ have been peddling advice about how to win at life. How to hustle harder. How to optimize your mornings. How to manifest success by thinking really, really hard about it. This is NOT one of those books. You know the ones, don’t you: brimming with sunny affirmations, color-coded productivity charts, and enough toxic optimism to choke a yoga retreat. None of that here. This is your escape, your road-map, your train-wreck best friend, the worlds first and best, official anti-self-help guide. Your curated collapse into the habits, thoughts, and belief systems that guarantee a life of glorious, well-justified failure. Plus you get a free bonus we’re including for those of you who read all the way to the end: the misery that comes along for that ride. This isn’t the fun kind of failure that leads to growth and learning. No, we’re talking the other kind—the kind with deep grooves worn into your couch and that one half-finished dream you keep in the emotional freezer next to last year’s tax anxiety.

THIS ISN’T SELF-HELP. IT’S THE OPPOSITE

Look, we both know you don’t need another book telling you to believe in yourself or wake up at 5 AM to seize the day. You likely have those already collecting real or virtual dust on your shelf. Yesterday’s news. You need a book that understands and validates your true self’s instincts. You need support so you can join the great throng of fellow humans who excel at one thing: passively letting life just happen to them. It’s the way we’re wired, right, so who was the genius who thought paddling the wrong way in that stream was a good idea? Not us.

We are going to make you feel good clinging to your comfort zones like they’re life rafts. I’m telling you here in this book: that’s OK. We spend our time and emotional resources cursing those people and things we can’t control, because that’s what we do. We do it well, and I say we’re fine doing that. I’m OK, you’re OK, right? Together we can stay on course while we wait for happiness like it’s a pizza we ordered that is permanently delayed. 

We’re not here to fix you. God, no. You don’t need fixing. You need us to say that we love you just the way your are. We do! We’re here to help us all commit to a well defined plan. You want that, don’t you?  Just let go of the exhausting pressure to “optimize” and instead lean fully into the beautifully predictable disaster that is the life outcome of those who study and follow these rules. This book is for those who have tried the self-help schtick, briefly, and decided… eh, whatever. It’s for people who want to be part of a plan, get on a team, but not that team. This one. The one that guides you into downward spiral, but correctly. Now, do us all a big service, remember we love you, and ORDER THIS BOOK NOW!!