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Patrons get this pattern for free as part of their membership, and they get a bunch of other patterns too! Here's a preview of the free patterns you get a the Sheer Nonsense level ($3), the Utter Nonsense level ($6), and Rampant Nonsense level ($12).

As always, I will not be attempting to convince you that you need these. I will not pretend that they serve any practical purpose. I will not suggest that they solve any of your problems.

I will say only that you can sit down with your needles, a tiny ball of leftover yarn, and the pattern and stand up an hour or two later with a teeny tiny pair of mittens. What happens after that is up to you.

You could probably make a reasonable case for using them as a bookmark or a Christmas tree ornament, or for turning a bunch of them into a garland, or for using them to keep one of your little knitted buddies warm on a cold night.

And I will admit that everyone I’ve shown them to has made something that would be called a squee of delight, were my friends not far too dignified to make such a sound. So the idea of tucking them into a card or tying them around a tiny present (so that the recipient can see them in private, where the demands of dignity are somewhat relaxed, and a person can squee without fear of scandal) has a certain appeal.

But really, I make them because sometimes the burdens of the outside world are simply too much to bear, and I need something absurd and adorable that I can finish in an afternoon. And then I share them with you. Just in case you might need that too.

General information

This 20-page pattern is tremendously detailed and holds your hand every step of the way. There are pages and pages of step-by-step photos to show you exactly what to expect as you work. The pattern is full of helpful tips on everything from casting on, blocking, and minimizing your ends.

It’s almost absurdly detailed, but it really does mean you can totally make these, even if you’ve never knit a project like this before!

Skills & scope

Each pair of mittens fits in the palm of your hand and takes very little time to knit. The knitting is delightfully mellow, almost entirely stockinette in the round with just a few increases and decreases to make the thumb and shape the top.

The pattern uses charts, so you will need to know how to follow a knitting chart.

Yarn, gauge & sizing

The pattern comes in three sizes (all sized to be decorations, not something a person would wear), and the finished mitts will be between one and three inches across.

You can make them in any weight of yarn, and the finished size will change depending on what yarn you use. You don’t need to match any particular gauge, anything that gives you a fabric you like with your chosen yarn is fine.

I made mine in sport and DK-weight yarns, and they're between one and one and a quarter inches across, between two and two and a half inches tall, and have a cord between seven and eleven inches long.

You can absolutely use scrap yarn for this.

The mittens in the pictures took less than 50 yards of yarn, less than 20 yards for the smallest ones.

Tools & supplies

You’ll need needles that let you work in the round (circulars or DPNs) in whatever size lets you get a solid fabric with your chosen yarn plus the general knitting tools you need for most projects (scissors to cut your yarn, a darning needle to weave in ends, the occasional stitch marker or bit of scrap yarn to hold stitches).


Three of the pictures show this pattern (Tethered) being worn by friends from other patterns. Those other patterns are Tufted (the owl), Chilled (the penguin), and Shiversome (the snowman). This is just to show you what you might do with the mittens! The Tethered pattern does not include instructions for those other pieces.

You will get a PDF (3MB) file