When a Singer Tells You They’re Struggling

Conversations, boundaries, and signposting for choir leaders

A singer takes you aside after rehearsal and says they’re having a difficult time. You care about them, but you’re unsure what to say, or how much responsibility you should take on.

This practical Choirwise guide helps you respond with warmth, keep appropriate boundaries, and support the singer towards their next step.

Built around Notice • Support • Signpost, it offers clear language and everyday examples for those moments when being a choir leader involves more than leading the singing.

Inside, you’ll find:

• Simple phrases to help you start a supportive conversation.
• Guidance on listening without becoming a counsellor.
• Common reassurances that can close a conversation — and more helpful alternatives.
• Practical scripts for setting boundaries, including messages outside rehearsal hours.
• Guidance on confidentiality and the limits of what you can promise.
• Suggestions for the next rehearsal and following up without taking over.
• Prompts to help you look after your own wellbeing.
• A quick-reference scripts page and a printable local contacts worksheet.
• Links to further guidance and safeguarding training.

Written by Emma Rowland-Elsen, specialist consultant in choir inclusion and mental health, with 25 years’ experience as a choral conductor, this guide understands the relationships and responsibilities that develop inside a choir.

You can care about your singers and have boundaries. This guide helps you put both into practice.

What you receive

A 19-page digital PDF with clickable contents and resource links, available to download after purchase. Read it on screen or print it for reference.

Your purchase permits use in your own work or within your purchasing choir or organisation. Resale, public distribution, and wider sharing are not permitted.

Please note

Written primarily for choir leaders working with adults in England. This is a guide to supportive conversations, boundaries, and signposting. It is not a safeguarding policy, a substitute for safeguarding training, or guidance for assessing risk or managing a mental health emergency. Use it alongside your organisation’s procedures and current local guidance.