De-Escalation Language Guide for Children | 6 Things to Stop Saying & What to Say Instead | SEND, Autism, ADHD & PDA Support

What we say during dysregulation matters. ❤️

When a child is overwhelmed, even well-intentioned phrases such as “Calm down,” “Use your words,” or “Look at me when I’m talking” can add extra pressure.

This easy-to-understand visual guide gives parents, teachers and support staff 6 common phrases to reconsider — alongside calmer, more supportive alternatives that can help reduce pressure and support connection.

🧠 Inside the resource:

• 6 common phrases used during dysregulation

• Supportive alternatives to try instead

• Simple explanations of why certain language may escalate distress

• Guidance around processing time, eye contact and communication

• Positive reminders for adults supporting children through big emotions

• A clear “Regulate first. Reflect later.” approach

Perfect for parents, teachers, SENCOs, teaching assistants, pastoral teams and other adults supporting neurodivergent children.

Useful when supporting children with autism, ADHD, PDA traits, SEND, emotional regulation difficulties or other additional needs — while recognising that every child is individual.

✨ Great for:

Home • Classrooms • Staff rooms • SEND resources • Parent support • Staff training discussions

The aim isn’t perfect words. It’s creating a calmer, safer and more supportive interaction when a child is struggling. ❤️

This resource is for educational/informational purposes and is not a diagnostic or medical tool.