Looking Out Through Madness

If you’ve ever had a darkness you couldn’t name…

A little history about this book. A friend gave me a notebook to write my feelings down. My suicidal feelings. I’d already placed a 38 to the back of my head. And survived. 

By telling my story of why I got to the depth of a 38 I pulled myself out of a black windowless, and doorless box. 

Hundreds of people read my blog I wrote over 21 days. This book is that blog. 

I attached a PayPal link to that blog. I received numerous donations to help me get back on my feet. 

If you have ever even come close to that box or loading your 38 you will understand my quest to save someone. 

Suicide is not the answer. Please read my survival story.

If you’ve ever felt the weight of your own thoughts—consumming you?

If you’ve ever survived dark days you didn’t think you would…

This story is for you.

This is not an easy book.

It doesn’t soften the edges.

It doesn’t look away.

It is raw.

It is honest.

It is emotional.

It is real.

This is not fiction.

It is not dramatized.

It is not rewritten for comfort.

It is the truth — exactly how it happened.

How this story came to exist

This story was first written in real time as a blog over 21 days.

At the time, people kept asking one question:

“What happened?”

The answer was painful to give. Reliving it meant reopening wounds I had tried to seal shut. But writing it was the only way to stop carrying it alone.

This book documents the unraveling.

The loss.

The psychological descent.

And the moment I finally understood what drove me into… madness.

Nothing here is exaggerated.

Nothing is polished to be palatable.

Everything is owned.

What readers say

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“I am not much of a reader, but I found myself hardly able to stop reading this book. It’s very captivating and deeply sad.”

— Verified Reader

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“This book takes you through the depths of depression this woman endured because of her huge and unending love for her husband. I couldn’t put it down.”

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“This is a great book—but very sad. It makes you feel the pain and everything she went through. She is a very strong person.”

A warning — and a promise

This book deals with:

• Deep emotional loss
• Psychological collapse
• Depression and grief
• The cost of loving someone who did not protect you

If you are looking for a feel-good story, this is not it.

If you are looking for truth, survival, and the quiet strength it takes to keep breathing when everything caves in—

This book was written for you.