The 10-Minute Intimacy Health Check: Find Where Your Marriage Really Is

It’s been years. You stopped asking. Where are you, really?

check for Christian husbands and wives · one check for him, one for her, taken alone.

It’s been years. I stopped asking, because the answer was always no.

It feels like ice in this house, and nobody talks about it.

I know God can. I just don’t know what to do first.

It isn’t always the wife, and it isn’t always the husband. This check is for both of you.

Guessing keeps you stuck

When you don’t know where you really stand, you either blame yourself, blame your spouse, or try everything at once. Talking, praying, forwarding videos. Some things get tried in the wrong order, and some things, like a body nobody has asked a doctor about, never get looked at at all.

Ten quiet minutes, a pencil, and one clear first step

The 10-Minute Intimacy Health Check is a short, private self-check you take alone. It goes in three steps: four safety questions first, because they matter most; then your own ten-line check, written for husbands or for wives; then your score, your band and one “do this first” step.

It is a map, not a diagnosis or a ruling on your marriage. It blames neither side, and it puts safety first.

Inside, you’ll discover…

• Four safety questions that come before any score, and what to do if you tick one
• His Check and Her Check: ten scored lines each, written for husbands and for wives, without blame
• Your score from 0 to 30, and the band it points to: Well-Tended, Drifting, Pursuing and Withdrawing, Roommates, or Shut Down
• What each band means, in plain words
• One “do this first” step for each band, so you stop trying everything at once
• Two lines that matter on their own: the body line and the bitterness line, and why they can change your first step
• A medical note: why a doctor’s visit, for either of you, can be the most loving first step
• A page to share: “I took this check for myself.” An invitation for your spouse, never an accusation
• A short composite story of a wife who saw her own part first

What’s included

• The 44-page check, done alone in about ten minutes
• His Check and Her Check: 10 scored lines each
• 4 safety questions that come before any score
• 5 bands, each with one “do this first” step
• A page to share: “I took this check for myself”
• A short composite story and a medical note

Format:PDF download · 6×9 in · large 14-point type · 1 research note · Scripture quoted word for word from the King James Version · yours to print.

This check is for you if…

• You stopped asking, or stopped wanting, and want to see where you really are
• You want a check written for husbands and wives, without blame
• You want one clear first step, not another warning
• You hope your spouse will take it too, without feeling accused
• You’d rather take it alone and privately, with a pencil
• You wonder if a health change is part of the story

This check is not for you yet if…

You are afraid of your spouse or being pressured or harmed. Please start with safety. Don’t invite your spouse to take the check, and keep your answers where they can’t be found.

Your safety first: National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). 911 in an emergency. Outside the US: findahelpline.com. Abuse is not God's design for marriage, and no one is required to stay in danger.

A note on health: erectile difficulties, prostate treatment, menopause, pain, depression, poor sleep and some medicines can all affect closeness. Illness is not sin. Please see a doctor; this check is not medical advice.

A note from the author

This check was shaped by the question under almost every comment: where are we, really, and what do I do first?

It is a map, not a diagnosis or a ruling on your marriage. It puts safety first, speaks to husbands and wives alike, and ends with one clear step. You may be reading this alone, late at night. That is all right. You can start alone.

The Exiled Storyteller

About your email

You’ll be asked for your email so Payhip can send it to you, and we’ll follow up with a few short emails about your result and your next step. You can unsubscribe at any time. If the file doesn’t arrive or won’t open, write to us and we’ll make it right.

Questions you may have

Is it explicit?

No. The questions are plain and respectful, about touch, talk, hope, health and peace. Nothing graphic.

Does my spouse have to take it?

No. You take your own check alone, and nobody needs to see your answers. If it is safe and you both want to, your spouse can take theirs and you can compare bands.

Can I send it to my spouse?

Please don’t send it as proof. The guide includes a page to share that says “I took this check for myself” and gives your spouse privacy. Hand it over in person, only if it is safe.

Is it a scientific test?

No. The five bands follow a teaching picture many couples recognize, the five stages of drift. Your own sense of where you are matters more than any number.

Can I print it?

Yes. If you both want to take it, print the check page twice.

What if our situation is serious?

If you tick any of the four safety questions, that is your result, whatever your score, and safety comes before reconnection. The numbers above are free and confidential.

Download The 10-Minute Intimacy Health Check.