The Intimacy Health Check: Where Is Our Marriage, and What Do We Do First?

Is this normal… or is it just us?

For Christian husbands and wives · a private check for each of you, then a map together.

Years of “not tonight,” until you simply stopped asking.

Like ice in the house. Married strangers under one roof.

You wonder if it’s normal, if it’s too late, or if it’s you. You know God can. You just don’t know what to do first.

Husbands and wives alike have written these words. The pain doesn’t belong to one side.

Trying the right things in the wrong order

Many couples have talked, prayed for years and forwarded videos, and nothing moved. Often it isn’t a lack of effort. It is the order. Romance gets tried in a house that doesn’t feel safe. Desire gets argued about when the real problem is a medicine. And a body nobody has asked a doctor about stays a mystery for years.

A health check, not a verdict

The Intimacy Health Check is a gentle diagnostic for Christian marriages, written for husbands and wives equally. You take your own private check first. Then, only if it is safe and you are both willing, you put your results side by side and see the picture together.

At the end you won’t get a ruling on your marriage. You’ll get a place to begin: your stage of drift, named honestly, and one wise first step.

Inside, you’ll discover…

• “Is it just us?” Why it isn’t only wives and it isn’t only husbands, and why it isn’t only about the bedroom
• What really happens over time: what researchers have found about age and intimacy, and why bodies and medicines matter
• The five stages of drift, from drift to shutdown, and how couples can move both ways (a teaching picture, not a scientific test)
• His side and her side: a private two-part check for each of you, with "What your score means" pages
• Our Map: a joint check for when it is safe, and a page to share that is an invitation, never an accusation
• The Body Check: pages for either of you, for him and for her, plus how to get a reluctant spouse to the doctor
• The Heart Has a Say: closeness outside the bedroom, what poisons a marriage, and how betrayal, pornography, in-laws and money pressures weigh on it
• When it’s not a drought but a danger: honest answers to “Must I still give myself to him?” and “Will God be angry if I say no?”
• What 1 Corinthians 7 really says: mutual, “with consent”, and never a weapon. No curses, no bargains
• The order of things: safety, then the body, then the heart, then the conversation, then the practice
• A roadmap from your results to one first step, and the right next book for where you are
• If your spouse won’t take part: what still lies with you, and why you can start alone

What’s included

• The full 182-page book, 12 chapters in three parts
• 7 private checks, from his and hers to body, heart and safety
• 5 worksheets, including a Doctor Visit Card
• A roadmap from your results to one first step
• A 30-day plan and 12 conversation cards to cut out
• A printer-friendly edition, with prayers in every chapter

Format: instant PDF download · 6×9 in · large 14-point type · 11 research notes · Scripture quoted word for word from the King James Version. Every story is a composite of many couples, with names and details changed. Nothing ships, and nothing arrives at your house.

This book is for you if…

• Closeness has been missing for years and you want to know where you really stand
• You’re the one who wants more closeness, or the one who wants less
• You want a check written for husbands and wives, without blame on either side
• Your body or health has changed, and no one has asked a doctor yet
• You want an order of steps, not another warning
• You’re ready to start, even if your spouse isn’t yet

This book is not for you yet if…

You are afraid of your spouse or being pressured or harmed. Please start with safety. Don’t invite your spouse to take the checks, and keep the book where it can’t be found.

It is also not a medical diagnosis, counseling, or a ruling on whether your marriage should continue. Where you need a doctor, a counselor or your pastor, it tells you which, and how to ask.

Your safety first: National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or visit thehotline.org. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988). 911 in an emergency. Outside the US: findahelpline.com. Abuse is not God's design for marriage, and no one is required to stay in danger.

A note on health: erectile difficulties, menopause, pain, depression, poor sleep and some medicines can all affect closeness. Illness is not sin. Please see a doctor; this book is not medical advice.

A note from the author

This book grew from the questions husbands and wives asked under one of our videos. Most of all you asked, “What do I do now?”

I won’t tell you that a cold marriage brings a curse, or money trouble, or sickness. Scripture doesn’t teach that, and some of you have carried that fear long enough. I won’t promise that your spouse will change. This book blames neither side and makes no promises God never made.

What it gives you is a clear look and one wise first step. For some of you, that step is a doctor’s appointment. For others, it is one calm conversation. Take your time, use a pencil, and be kind to yourself and to the one you married.

The Exiled Storyteller

About refunds

Because this is an instant digital download, all sales are final. If anything goes wrong with your file, write to us and we’ll make it right.

Questions you may have

Is it explicit?

No. It is tasteful and church-appropriate. It talks honestly about closeness, bodies and health in plain, reverent words, with nothing graphic.

Does it blame wives? Or husbands?

Neither. There is a separate check for him and for her from the first pages, examples run in both directions, and 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 is taught as mutual. It speaks with equal dignity to the one who wants more closeness and the one who wants less.

Do we both have to take it?

No. One spouse can use the whole book alone, and every chapter has a next step that works for one person. The joint map is only for when you are both willing and both safe.

Can I send it to my spouse?

Please don’t send it as proof. The book includes a page to share that says “I took this check for myself” and gives your spouse privacy. Hand it over in person, only if it is safe, and never use Scripture as a weapon.

Is it a physical book? Can I print it?

It is an instant PDF download. A printer-friendly edition is included. If you both want to take the checks, print them twice. Nothing is posted to your home.

Is it a medical or scientific test?

No. It is a map and a set of signposts. The five stages of drift are a teaching picture that many couples recognize, not a diagnosis. If any line points to your body, the book will send you to a doctor.

What if our situation is serious?

If you tick any safety flag, it matters more than every score in the book, and chapter IX comes first. If you are afraid, call the numbers above. The "When to Get More Help" pages explain when to see a doctor, a licensed counselor or your pastor.

Begin tonight

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