The Humorous Empire Builders
On Sale
$15.00
$15.00
HUMOROUS EMPIRE BUILDERS A&G PAIR OF PLIERS
Friday down the pub is where you will find our prize pair sat across a table watching the post-fight gum runners spout their version of the news and everything you need to know about the Mayweather fight. Little AL (he never would say how he got this name) he is 6‟ 1” and Big Gaz because he was the size of 4 oil barrels welded together.
These two are ex-oil Rig Hands who had worked for over Twenty years in the offshore oil Drilling business as maintenance crew members and what they did not know about baling wire, duct tape & ty wraps quite frankly is not worth bothering now semi-retired and living in Thailand and known with great affection by some of the other ex-pats here as “Laurel & Hardy” they have no desire to go back home but are slowly running out of cash and getting by doing small jobs as favours for people fixing this or that between them could fix almost anything, nothing had ever beaten them (apart from their Dad and
ex-wives) It's in their offshore oilfield blood that you do not go to bed until that son of a bitch is turning to the right! Anyway, typical pair of know all‟s in this paradise of dusky maidens and late-night bars they had both been stung a few times not by the “ladies” but by “ friends” who disappeared owing them big time or promises not fulfilled, Both had learnt the same lessons from different “teachers” needless to say they thought they were helping “friends”.
Well as the story goes big Al says he‟s seen an old but huge machine for head and body x-rays in the “scrappy” over on the “Dark side” of town as it is known locally, they have also acquired old aircraft wings ex Vietnam war and old bits of trains that George Stevenson appears to have a major design hand in. so Laurel & Hardy being “old hands'' at being screwed by the locals (not always the ladies) feign interest in everything but the old X-ray machine until the yard boss gets cheesed off with these Two stupid (Phalang)foreigners and wanders off muttering some local swear words to himself, this allows the dynamic duo a chance for a “forensic investigation” Big Gaz said jokingly (I hope) “how many divers can we get in it”? When he saw AL‟s wry smile he knew it was time to be serious as we may be about to part with our last Ten bob here! After a good once over it appeared to be all intact.
They dare not ask to power it up as the owner would realize these two round-eyed idiots were interested and their local budget would be shot in the ass. Big Gaz thought the guy didn‟t know what it was worth because nothing on it was of any use, especially all the electronics plus the Made in China label threw every junk prospector off so essentially just a big cylinder to put one's body through but they secretly hoped and thought it was a big bit of pipe! “offer him twenty thousand” Big Gaz said “fuck off have you lost the plot we ask him to weigh it first and how much he wants, whatever he says we halve it and haggle from there on the understanding he throws in delivery as this will not fit on my 110cc Honda unless we tacked on a few RSJ‟s, ok said Gaz call him over but be prepared to walk away if he thinks he is selling us a “space shuttle” and come back another day. Stop at Twenty thinks Gaz as they have no idea what it will cost to make it operational and if they can afford to have a beer or two whilst doing it up!
So the “scrappy” is called over using sign language and a lot of banging on an old car hood and is duly engaged in the haggling process. This must have looked like a scene from one of the Marx Brothers movies as they did not speak his “lingo” and in all fairness to Scrappy he did speak some English but they had no fucking idea what he was saying! As usual, Gaz saved the day with what we can assume is a special brand of Welsh logic by getting some cash-out and immediately everything took on a new focus. Extremely carefully (Welshmen with cash are all like this) he slowly laid a 1000 Baht note on the top of an old washing machine, well the scrappy was delighted and nodded his head with so much force it looked like it may fly off. Al & Gaz are delighted with their bargaining prowess and the deal is done! Smiling Scrappy gets his guys with an old pickup organized to haul away the prize while Al is trying to draw a map of where they live; it is only then when they see the helpers pick up the old washing machine that their negotiating “skills” are about to be seriously questioned. A&G start frantically waving and shouting like a couple of drowning Italians‟s pointing at the washing machine that they had just bought making crossed arms signs of refusal to the non-pulsed scrappy whilst walking over and pointing to the real object of their desires the old X-ray machine and it was obvious that Gaza‟s wallet was going to take another hit if the deal was to be done as the scrappiest eyes squinted and let out an “Ah OK” . There was no way the scrappy would accept a 1000 baht for the “large bit of pipe” with all the wires on so another 1000 was added to the pot then another until an old tactic of this intrepid duo was brought into play Gaz openly borrowing money from Al and letting the scrappy see Al's wallet had more cobwebs than money. Gaz extricated the two more 1000 Baht notes from Al's wallet and threw his hands in the air signaling very clearly to the scrappy that unless he wanted sex we were done at 9000 Thai Baht
Friday down the pub is where you will find our prize pair sat across a table watching the post-fight gum runners spout their version of the news and everything you need to know about the Mayweather fight. Little AL (he never would say how he got this name) he is 6‟ 1” and Big Gaz because he was the size of 4 oil barrels welded together.
These two are ex-oil Rig Hands who had worked for over Twenty years in the offshore oil Drilling business as maintenance crew members and what they did not know about baling wire, duct tape & ty wraps quite frankly is not worth bothering now semi-retired and living in Thailand and known with great affection by some of the other ex-pats here as “Laurel & Hardy” they have no desire to go back home but are slowly running out of cash and getting by doing small jobs as favours for people fixing this or that between them could fix almost anything, nothing had ever beaten them (apart from their Dad and
ex-wives) It's in their offshore oilfield blood that you do not go to bed until that son of a bitch is turning to the right! Anyway, typical pair of know all‟s in this paradise of dusky maidens and late-night bars they had both been stung a few times not by the “ladies” but by “ friends” who disappeared owing them big time or promises not fulfilled, Both had learnt the same lessons from different “teachers” needless to say they thought they were helping “friends”.
Well as the story goes big Al says he‟s seen an old but huge machine for head and body x-rays in the “scrappy” over on the “Dark side” of town as it is known locally, they have also acquired old aircraft wings ex Vietnam war and old bits of trains that George Stevenson appears to have a major design hand in. so Laurel & Hardy being “old hands'' at being screwed by the locals (not always the ladies) feign interest in everything but the old X-ray machine until the yard boss gets cheesed off with these Two stupid (Phalang)foreigners and wanders off muttering some local swear words to himself, this allows the dynamic duo a chance for a “forensic investigation” Big Gaz said jokingly (I hope) “how many divers can we get in it”? When he saw AL‟s wry smile he knew it was time to be serious as we may be about to part with our last Ten bob here! After a good once over it appeared to be all intact.
They dare not ask to power it up as the owner would realize these two round-eyed idiots were interested and their local budget would be shot in the ass. Big Gaz thought the guy didn‟t know what it was worth because nothing on it was of any use, especially all the electronics plus the Made in China label threw every junk prospector off so essentially just a big cylinder to put one's body through but they secretly hoped and thought it was a big bit of pipe! “offer him twenty thousand” Big Gaz said “fuck off have you lost the plot we ask him to weigh it first and how much he wants, whatever he says we halve it and haggle from there on the understanding he throws in delivery as this will not fit on my 110cc Honda unless we tacked on a few RSJ‟s, ok said Gaz call him over but be prepared to walk away if he thinks he is selling us a “space shuttle” and come back another day. Stop at Twenty thinks Gaz as they have no idea what it will cost to make it operational and if they can afford to have a beer or two whilst doing it up!
So the “scrappy” is called over using sign language and a lot of banging on an old car hood and is duly engaged in the haggling process. This must have looked like a scene from one of the Marx Brothers movies as they did not speak his “lingo” and in all fairness to Scrappy he did speak some English but they had no fucking idea what he was saying! As usual, Gaz saved the day with what we can assume is a special brand of Welsh logic by getting some cash-out and immediately everything took on a new focus. Extremely carefully (Welshmen with cash are all like this) he slowly laid a 1000 Baht note on the top of an old washing machine, well the scrappy was delighted and nodded his head with so much force it looked like it may fly off. Al & Gaz are delighted with their bargaining prowess and the deal is done! Smiling Scrappy gets his guys with an old pickup organized to haul away the prize while Al is trying to draw a map of where they live; it is only then when they see the helpers pick up the old washing machine that their negotiating “skills” are about to be seriously questioned. A&G start frantically waving and shouting like a couple of drowning Italians‟s pointing at the washing machine that they had just bought making crossed arms signs of refusal to the non-pulsed scrappy whilst walking over and pointing to the real object of their desires the old X-ray machine and it was obvious that Gaza‟s wallet was going to take another hit if the deal was to be done as the scrappiest eyes squinted and let out an “Ah OK” . There was no way the scrappy would accept a 1000 baht for the “large bit of pipe” with all the wires on so another 1000 was added to the pot then another until an old tactic of this intrepid duo was brought into play Gaz openly borrowing money from Al and letting the scrappy see Al's wallet had more cobwebs than money. Gaz extricated the two more 1000 Baht notes from Al's wallet and threw his hands in the air signaling very clearly to the scrappy that unless he wanted sex we were done at 9000 Thai Baht