Bollocks To Christmas

‘Tis the season to be jolly. If you like Christmas that is!

On the other hand, if you dread the thought of going to the school nativity, can’t stand having to go to Pantomimes, don’t look forward to spending hours putting up the Christmas tree and the decorations (only to find that half the bulbs don’t work) get sick and tired of carol singers knocking on your front door, get sick to death of hearing Noddy Holder scream “It’s Christmaaaaaassss!” every time you turn the radio on (and hear that ‘Bing’ is still dreaming of a white Christmas) get fed up of watching The Great Escape and The Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special (from 1972), don’t look forward to being woken up at four o’clock on Christmas morning by the kids bursting in your bedroom and jumping up and down on your bed shouting “Has he been yet!”, begrudge having to pay £65 a head in your local pub on Christmas day for what’s basically a Sunday roast (that’ll cost you fifteen quid any other time of year) and begrudge having to pay to get in your local pub on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve (the same pub that you spend your hard earned money in every weekend year round), hate being dragged around the packed Christmas markets (that sell overpriced tat, and have to pay eight quid for a hot dog and a fiver for a bag of sweets that you can get in your local newsagents for a pound), loathe having to endure the chaos of Christmas food shopping (and watch people buy three of everything even though the shops are only shut 24 hours), get irritated - and bored shitless - shopping for Christmas presents, and hate everything about Christmas in general - and then dread the thought of getting your credit card bill in January and having to pay for the it all, then for you it’s probably the season that makes you feel jolly miserable!

Though whether you love Christmas or dread it, this festive adult ditty is guaranteed to strike a chord. Contains extremely strong language and adult humour. As you’ve probably guessed from the cover! So don’t let the kids read it!!

Can be read on a phone, tablet, laptop, iPad, Kindle etc.