A JESTER WITH JOKES UPON ABSURD PAINS. Collected Essays (Print Edition)

A JESTER WITH JOKES UPON ABSURD PAINS.

These essays were written over different periods in my life, and under different circumstances. Being in love, experiencing heartbreaks, homelessness, loneliness, hunger, and the brutal silence of finding out that nowhere fits the picture the world paints. My life, in some way, was being beaten down. And in another way, it was being formed.

The pain I endured was the light that pushed me forward. It was the only light I had. That light helped me understand who I am, what my thoughts were, and where I stood in the gap between where my life had taken me and where I longed to be. And yet I discovered, with the kind of honesty that burns, that no matter where I go, I carry myself with me. There is no escape from the man I am. No new city, no disguise, no applause can paint over the truth of my being.

Now I see clearly: it was my life being formed, shaped by fire and absence. I held too tightly to things that dulled that new light, because I was afraid to accept what I already knew deep down: this life is mine, and no one will take the punches meant for me. I had become the owner of the stage. I had inherited the dust and weight of my own becoming. And now, I must go the distance.

There is nothing more holy, more dangerous, than meeting the world exactly where it finds you. To accept yourself, not by the world's expectations, but by the honest flame of who you are. That question, Who am I? cannot be answered by anyone else. It is yours to face. And I had to face it.

It terrified me. That’s the truth. I retreated, pulled the covers over my head, hid from life. But even there, what I ran from remained, patient in the dark. Unmoved.

The price for running was the weight of my soul. I have seen too many people lie to themselves to avoid this weight. But I know better now: a life without depth is not worth living.

"Be careful of the roads you walk upon," someone once said to me. For even more than it surely being yours, some roads do not go back and forth.

🔥 THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES:

– What It Means to Be a Man

– The Limitations of My Father’s Life and I

– What Is Wrong With People

– The Peaches Were Already Ripe.

Thank you.