The Conversation — How to Ask "Where Is This Going?" Without Begging (Fillable Guide + Script)

You've rehearsed it in the shower. You've typed it as a text and deleted it. Your friends have told you six different things.

Here's what I know, from asking it myself on a bus in 1977 and watching my daughters ask it for thirty years: the conversation isn't the hard part. The hard part is deciding, before you ask, what you'll do with the answer. Because there are only four answers.

What's inside

– Before you ask — a worksheet: what you want, what you'd accept, what you won't. Box 4 is the one that matters.

– When and where — daytime, sober, somewhere you can leave. Not the car. Not by text. Winston explains why.

– The words — the script, line by line: how to open, how to ask, what to say when he deflects or turns it round, and how to close without negotiating.

– The four answers — every answer he can give, what it really means, and what to do the next morning. With Winston's verdict on each.

– What he actually said — a page to write it down while you remember, and a decision page for the morning after.

The man's side

Winston was asked in 1977. He tells you what a man hears when you ask — and why what he does in the two weeks after is the real answer.

How it works

Fillable PDF. Open it on your phone or laptop, tap a box, type. Do the worksheet first, then have the conversation, then come back and fill in what he said. In that order.

Who it's for

You've been together long enough that "where is this going" is a fair question, and you'd like to ask it once, properly, without begging.

— Marjorie & Winston Beckford. Married since 1978. Still arguing. Still here.