Nobody really gives you a manual on how to deal with grief. One minute, life is just moving along, and the next—bam—you’re carrying this giant, invisible weight that no one else can see, but you feel it. If you’ve lost someone or something that meant the world to you, you know exactly what I mean. It changes you. It shakes your whole world. And then comes the question nobody wants to ask but everyone feels: What now?
For a long time, I had no clue. I was just trying to keep my head above water, feeling like grief had me in a chokehold. But somewhere in that mess, I figured out that pain and purpose aren’t enemies. Sometimes, they’re besties—like two old ladies sitting on a porch, sipping tea, talking about your life choices.
1. Let Yourself Grieve—For Real
Grief doesn’t work a 9-to-5 shift. It shows up when it wants, how it wants—sometimes in the middle of the grocery store when a random song starts playing. Don’t fight it. Let yourself feel it. Ugly cry if you have to. There’s no trophy for “Most Put-Together Griever.”
2. Think About What This Loss Meant
Yeah, it hurts like hell, but what did this person or experience bring into your life? What lessons did they leave behind? Finding meaning in the mess doesn’t take the pain away, but it gives it a place to sit.
3. Ask: What Can I Do With This Pain?
Because pain hates to sit around doing nothing. Maybe you start writing, plant a tree, take up a cause they cared about, or finally figure out how to make their signature dish. Whatever it is, give the grief a job.
4. Do Something for Someone Else
Grief can make you turn inward, but sometimes the best way out is through kindness. Volunteer, support someone else, even if it’s just checking in on a friend who’s struggling. Bonus: it keeps you from falling into a late-night doomscrolling hole.
5. Make Space to Remember Them
Light a candle, cook their favorite meal, wear that sweater they loved. Rituals matter. They keep the love alive even when the person isn’t physically here.
6. Find Your People
Grief can be lonely, but you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to people who get it—friends, family, support groups. And listen, if one more person tells you “everything happens for a reason,” you have my full permission to roll your eyes. Just... maybe not too obviously.
7. Try Something New
Loss has a way of reminding us that life is short. So why not take that class, start that project, or finally learn the guitar? Grief shakes things up—sometimes, it’s the push we need to step into something new.
8. Be Patient With Yourself
There’s no finish line where you “win” at grieving. There’s no checklist. Some days will be better, some will be rough. That’s just how it works. Give yourself grace.
9. Go Deep (If You Want To)
Loss has a way of making us rethink everything—faith, life, purpose, all of it. If that’s where your grief takes you, lean into it. Meditate, pray, journal—whatever helps you process it all.
10. Ask for Help When You Need It
If the grief gets too heavy, don’t try to carry it alone. Therapy, books, support groups—use whatever resources you need. You’re not weak for needing help, you’re human.
If you’re in the thick of it right now, I’m not going to hit you with some fake silver-lining speech. Some pain doesn’t come with a bright side. But I will tell you that finding purpose is possible. It won’t erase the grief, but it’ll help you keep moving forward. And some days, that’s enough.
With love (and maybe a little dark humor),
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