Entry No. 2
Present Day
Thinking about accountability and children
One of the hardest things for adults to do is apologize to their children.
Especially in Black culture, there is often this idea that adults are always right because they are adults. That respect means silence. That a child’s place is to listen, not question, not push back, not express discomfort. “I said what I said” becomes the end of the conversation.
But a child’s place should never include being disrespected, belittled, or emotionally harmed.
Children are some of the most honest people on this earth. When they speak up, it is often uncomfortable for adults not because the child is wrong, but because there is truth in what they are saying. That truth forces accountability. And accountability is something many adults were never taught how to sit with.
Apologizing to your child does not mean you are weak. It does not mean you are giving up authority. It means you are modeling responsibility.
If you spoke harshly, own it.
If you dismissed their feelings, correct it.
If you were wrong, say so.
That moment teaches far more than silence ever could.
This is not about letting children run the house or avoiding discipline. Structure and boundaries still matter. Guidance still matters. Consequences still matter. What also matters is giving children space to express how they feel without fear of being shut down for it.
When children are allowed to communicate honestly, they learn how to articulate themselves in healthy ways. They learn that emotions are not something to suppress or explode with later. They learn that respect goes both ways.
Many adults struggle with communication because they were never allowed to have a voice when they were young. They were told to stay in their place. They learned to swallow feelings instead of naming them.
We can do better than what we were taught.
Saying sorry to your child does not erase your role as a parent. It strengthens it. It tells them they are worthy of respect now, not just when they grow up.
And that lesson lasts longer than any punishment ever could.
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