“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. . . Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
John 15:9-10, 13-15 (NIV)
Interestingly, Jesus elevates those who do what He commands from servant (no longer) to friend. Though the believer calls Him Lord, and Master, and seeks to obey Him, He calls us friends with whom He shares everything He learned from His Father. And that’s the difference between servant and friend—friends share. Jesus wants to share His life with us and we should want to do the same with Him.
We all need a real friend. If you have been blessed with one you know what a treasure it is and the love that is involved. Jesus is the Friend with the greatest Love—the One who laid down His life for His friends. He is the ultimate Friend of the obedient believer. He is a real Friend who accepts us just the way we are with all of our imperfections and sin as real friends do. We can share with Him our joy and pain, our victories and struggles, our day-to-day thoughts and concerns. He will understand it all.
Communication
A healthy relationship requires good communication. If we want a healthy relationship with God we need to talk to Him and be able to hear from Him. God has communicated clearly to us in His Word and the Holy Spirit illuminates the Word of God to the believer who has received Christ. The more time we spend with someone the stronger that relationship is. Do you read God’s Word? How much?
When I developed an addictive relationship with food after my career as a competitive gymnast, not once did I read the Bible in those 15 years (I think I picked up a children’s story book Bible several times because I was drawn to the stories). I knew about God, but I had no relationship with God. I had no idea that He wanted to Speak to me, nor me to Him. If your eating is out-of-balance of course you will need to take steps to change, but start with God, and continue to walk with Him every day. Let Him communicate with you, and you with Him. Read His Word daily and pray. Every day. Throughout the day.
It may be that you only have questions. At the “turning point” of my journey out of bingeing 5x/night I finally came to the point to think to myself (in front of the refrigerator), “Something is obviously wrong.” I could not tell you what it was, but I was finally acknowledging the fact that something must have been wrong. I was coming out of denial and I simply asked the first question—what is wrong? I wanted to know. A simple question with a sincere heart, and the journey began with God Who led me all the way out of the severe 5-tier bondage to food, diets, body image, exercise and the scale that I was completely entangled in.
“‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.’” Matthew 7:7-8 (NIV)
“For who has despised the day of small things?” Zechariah 4:10a (NKJV)
“‘Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Matthew 17:20b-c (NIV)
My faith was very small, but it was real. God did not show me anything that night (except that “something is obviously wrong”), but soon He was revealing things—one thing at a time—that would answer that question (“what is wrong?”), and so many more. But I had to ask first. I had to want to know what was really going on. When Jesus healed a paralytic man at a pool in Jerusalem he asked him a strange question:
“Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?’” John 5:5-6 (NKJV)
First things first--determine if you want to be “made well”. If so ask God, “What is really wrong?” Then hold His Hand and follow His lead. God did indeed show me what was wrong, the pain I didn’t even know was driving my out-of-control eating, one Perfect step at a time for His Perfect Healing because God knows our heart and our pain better than we do. God doesn’t miss any steps so the result is complete freedom.
At another point on my journey out of food/body image/exercise addiction I remember asking God, “Why do I always feel like a burden to everyone?” I suddenly realized that I felt that from as far back as I could remember. Again, no immediate answer, but about 6 months later during a visit to my family I heard my dear mother say, “Oh, Diane, give me a break” (with the tone that pierced my heart) and the lights went on. I suddenly realized that I had heard that what seemed like 1000’s of times before, but never “heard” it (remember the question I asked God about why I always felt like a burden to everyone). I went up to my room angry and upset, and started off the evening blaming my poor mother for so much of the pain in our family. But by the morning I was praying, “Father, forgive her, for she does not even know what she is doing!” God Revealed something about my mother regarding her own mother (a godly grandmother who I adore) and led me to forgiveness. I did not realize it at the time, but that’s where true healing would lie—in forgiveness.
Notice the process. I earnestly asked God the question about my felt pain (feeling like a burden), God Revealed something I did not see or remember (my mother’s words), and then He led me to forgiveness (the very next opportunity that I was back in my mother’s presence, although I didn’t even know she was the “problem” I had!). I sincerely doubt if I would have come to any of this on my own. Also notice the similarity to what Jesus said on the cross—“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV) That’s not because I’m some great pray-er (in fact, I was not), and I don’t bring it up to take any credit for it nor for any discredit to my precious mother, but to share that Jesus has indeed gone before us and leads the way. I share this only to encourage you that God answers our questions. Have no doubt, I love my mother.
You can share everything with a true friend—things that may be too embarrassing to share with others—and Jesus will not shame us or condemn us when we come to Him with these things. He already knows all about them and is waiting for us to come to Him.
“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16 (NIV)
This verse especially encourages distressed souls to come to Him, but that can be the very time (especially if burdened also with shame) that some may find it hardest to come. Be encouraged by God’s Word to come to Him in need. Each and every believer is welcome to the throne of grace if they come in faith. Our Good, Good Abba Father knows what we need and is ready to give us mercy and grace to help us.
Dear Jesus, Thank you for empathizing with our weaknesses and for the greater sacrificial love of Your friendship.
