5 Tips from Ked: Two Short Books to Overcome Fear and Bad Habits Today +2 Secrets to Beat Anxiety and Apathy
Without further ado! The two books are “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” and “Outwitting the Devil”. You came here looking for two secrets to overcome anxiety. And if you’re an anxious person, you don’t need to read the entire text, because here they are: 1. Practice self-knowledge. Know who you are: expand your self-awareness. 2. Be responsible for this “self” that you discover and get to know every day. Also keep in mind, as a mantra, “I am responsible for everything that happens to me”. The importance of these two secrets is hard to explain. There, you can leave now.
Huh, why are you still here? The title also has the word “apathy”. Is that why you’re still here? I see. How long have you been dating her? Apathy is a lover. You think you are better because you can control your feelings, not show enthusiasm, or remain undisturbed by anything when chaos shows up. But guess what! Everyone is doing this - distancing themselves from situations that hurt, from people who say what they don’t want to hear. Really? Yikes! You even wanted to do such a thing, but there are all these challenges in the way and... and... they’re not even worth the effort! There are a handful of painful questions on your path. And want to know the secret? It’s only through them you get to the other side. Going through suffering, hard choices, loss, and death.
“Anxiety can take on all shapes and intensities, as it is the basic human reaction to a danger that threatens its existence. Fear is a threat to a part of the self. [...] It is the quality and not the quantity of an experience that determines anxiety. You may feel a slight tightness in your stomach when a person we consider a friend passes us on the street without greeting; although the threat is not intense, that the tightness continues and we feel confused and seek an ‘explanation’ for the friend’s attitude shows that the threat is fundamental to us. When very intense, anxiety is the most painful emotion felt by the rational animal. ‘Present dangers are less than the forecast of the future’ said Shakespeare; and we knew of people who jumped from lifeboats because they could not face the agony of doubt, the uncertainty of being saved or not.” (Rollo May, in “Man’s Search for Himself”, p. 34)
What battles do I want to fight? What pain do I prefer to endure? Mike Tyson says that discipline is doing what we dislike, but doing it as if we loved it. But I get up sleepy, it’s cold outside, and the Devil whispers, in the warmth of my pillow, that “working out is a never-ending task”. The laziness in me wants the workout from the movies: after a few takes of fast-paced music, the sweat is over. Then, the coach comes shaking his head and says: “Go, Daniel San! You’ve fulfilled your last greater purpose, achieved the muscles you dreamed of. You’ve achieved a healthy and brave body, no need to continue. No more stuffing yourself with supplements that cause baldness... Sayonara! Huh, why are you still here? Get out of here, annoying kid, go fuck someone.”
Being disciplined is continuous. It’s tiring, and it’s up to you to get out of bed or stay there. Keep moving despite the boredom. Stand up no matter how many blows you’ve taken. Don’t worry about stares or threats.
Every day is a new challenge, but my old self still wants to get up and wear the same old, hole-ridden armor. Why do we do this if we’re no longer the same? Maybe we’re afraid of change. Or perhaps we don’t think we’re strong enough to face the challenges alone. After all, I am so entangled in my entire life... And these knots preventing me from letting go hurt so much... It must be the world’s fault. No, no. It’s the fault of my indecision... Wait... Maybe it’s both? The desire to be saved from this puzzle where I’ve stagnated can be suffocating.
Tip No. 2 - The Clarity in Accuracy
Indecision, not thinking accurately and leaving unfinished thoughts in the mind, is the gateway to fear and alienation. This is one secret the Devil reveals in Napoleon Hill’s book. Let’s see this with an unfinished thought that lodged in my mind since I first thought of it.
It was right after I found out about the spectacular betrayal of my ex-girlfriend, who cheated on me with the archery instructor, something author Mark Manson and I have in common. The betrayal of the exes, in this case, was not an archery instructor. And, soon after, my father died of Covid. My father was my best friend. Unemployed, friendless, cheated on, I ruminated on a stream of thought like this:
“It’s unacceptable for me to keep making so many mistakes, living being so flawed, so capable of sabotaging and deceiving myself. Now everything will change! Please, you there in the gym, I don’t even know your last name, but please, shake my hand, serve me my daily dose of acceptance. Why isn’t your smile as cheerful as yesterday? What did I do? What can I do to mend this terrible misunderstanding? Even though I don’t have friends, do you accept me as an equal? What am I doing wrong? Why am I alone?”
“[...] a very common attitude in our society: many people judge the value of their actions, not based on their essence, but on the way they received them. It’s as if they postpone their own judgment until they consult the public. The passive subject, who performs the act, has the power to make it effective or ineffective instead of the one who performed it. Thus, we are interpreters in life, and not people who live and act as selves” (Rollo May, page 50).
Every day I hunger to look over my shoulder to see if I’m living my life right. Wanting to forget my self-consciousness in the mirror, which are the judgments of others, in their faces, in their handshakes. If people smile when they see me, am I likable, and does that mean they see me as a friend? As an obedient child? A pleasant companion? What is the path far away from pain, loss, betrayal, loneliness amid the crowd? And so I am today, questioning, gradually letting go of some of the unhealthy values mentioned in Mark Manson’s book https://amzn.to/3NHo1LK, such as feeling good all the time, not being alone, being loved by everyone.
And the answer to these questions? It’s within us: knots of thoughts, knots of feelings, bad habits and triggers, and how we will untangle them. If my goal is to have genuine friends, what good are all these hours checking social media every two minutes, without leaving home or meeting anyone? Does my job, which I only tolerate with cigarettes, alcohol, and no physical activity, support my desire for a long and healthy life? If what I want is to have a family, children, and a relationship in egregore (when a couple grows together, towards a common goal, like personal and professional excellence for both), does watching porn five times a day, following every attractive woman on Instagram, and sleeping with every woman who smiles and says yes serve my purpose? (I know you want to say yes, lol. But hold on. Take it easy on that heart) We must face ourselves head-on, to familiarize ourselves with the blind spots eroding all our time. Confront your thoughts, discuss or journal them, and don’t be ashamed to seek behavioral therapy.
Tip No. 3 - The Power of Self-Responsibility
Taking responsibility means recognizing what you need and going through the hard work to change. It’s about being able to say no to what’s not important. It’s about sitting with yourself in the discomfort of not knowing... until you know just a little more than yesterday. Knowing ourselves gives us confidence. We can identify and work on our weaknesses and use our strengths to our advantage.. When we know ourselves, we can make choices that align with our values and goals. Knowledge is power, and nowhere is this more clear than in the battle against our personal demons.
Thinking accurately is knowing who I am and how I felt for most of my life, even though I didn’t admit it out loud. I am a servant of an unyielding will to please, to feel good, to be surrounded by smiles, and hidden where rejection can’t find me. Life is not like this, not all the time. In the real world, the arrogance and vanity of a highway patrolman can hurt my father to the point of causing his first bout of depression. The world is full of problems, and even if you don’t feel ready, like me, to live in it, we must live.
Understanding that life is finite and exercise sharpens the intellect and the body (while I’m struggling with the bench press, I’m tuned into the podcast that is teaching me all these new things) I can live intentionally and purposefully. So, I choose more wisely, build better relationships, and make positive changes for the future.
Everyone seems to know you better than you, what to do with your income, your ugliness, your sickness, your stupidity, your age, your gender, all your fears and anxieties better than you. And that’s okay. Yes, that’s okay. Because none of these people will cradle you, no one will touch you the way you always dreamed. You will not go back in time together, hand in hand with guilt, and rewrite the past. We are no longer at the mercy of others or our circumstances.
No matter how much someone wants to help or how much you want someone else to take charge - in the end, it all comes down to you. No one can live our lives for us and no one can decide for us. This realization will empower, but it also comes with a lot of pressure. However, the time to take responsibility to face your fears and deal with them head-on is now: in everyday life, in suffering, in problems, in loss, in illness, in death.
Tip No. 4 - The Path Through Suffering
If your life is not going the way you want, it may seem like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You expect every step because it will hurt again at some point. But there is no savior who appears like in a movie with an elixir. You are not the victim, there’s no point in waiting. Only you handle everything that happens to you, as Mark Manson says in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, even if it happened to you from the outside, like the death of a loved one. My father passed away from Covid, despite being vaccinated and isolated at home. Five people were also becoming statistics in Brazil at the end of the third wave.. I am responsible for what I choose to believe or think after the experience of loss.
What matters is what we do after failure and suffering. Do we learn from it and grow? Or do we dwell on the pain and sink into self-pity? The choice is yours. Taking responsibility for your life does not mean you have all the answers. In fact, part of taking responsibility is admitting when you don’t know something and seeking the answer until you find it. It also means being willing to learn from your mistakes instead of blaming yourself for them. After all, we all make mistakes — it’s part of being human! You need to take care of yourself!
Thanks to this self-care, you face your fears, because it says to victimization: “Self-discipline depends only on me. People may reject me or misunderstand me. Enough of pleasing everyone. Yes, I am vulnerable. I endure pain and have learned to deal with suffering by feeling it. And I do not cling to ready-made answers. I act for the results I desire. I don’t want to be perfect. This is who I want to be. And I will know myself, with gratitude for everything I have, and have the patience to work with my thoughts and time, my greatest allies. I know that this only comes with daily effort. Because fear will not disappear overnight in my attempts to stagnate the flow and process of life.”
Deciding accurately and based on what you believe is right is a powerful way to live. What are you willing to fight for? Make mistakes. Act.
Do it now. What are you willing to fight for? Make mistakes. Act. Do it now. Become your own master. As Napoleon Hill says, our failures are actually opportunities in disguise. And I say, finally, for you to pay attention to these knots: untying your own knots is the way for you to create a rich and rewarding life for yourself.
Tip No. 5 - Meditation and Behavioral Therapy
One practice the behavioral therapist recommended to me is to seek a refuge of silence for meditation moments, a place in my mind to calm my thoughts. For me, it’s the house where my father, my mother, and I lived in Alegrete.
Outside, it is raining and we watch the trees sway in the rain breeze. It doesn’t have to be Hogwarts, unless it brings you a little peace. If it does, then it can be.
Links to purchase the mentioned books:
Buy "Outwitting the Devil": https://amzn.to/3nxAsiu
Buy "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck": https://amzn.to/3NHo1LK
Secret Book hidden in the text n°1: https://amzn.to/3AYq86j
Secret Book hidden in the text n°2: https://amzn.to/3LFOoz9
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