My Initiation & Becoming
I didn’t arrive here by choice.
Not at first.
I was forged into it.
Before I ever spoke of alchemy, I was the experiment—burned, broken, dissolved, and reassembled by hands that were supposed to love me. My body was first introduced to betrayal through the unthinkable—a father who shattered my sense of safety, a mother who wore masks of love while asking me to carry the weight of her unhealed world. I wasn’t raised—I was required. Required to be strong, to be silent, to be the balm for everyone else’s wounds. My childhood wasn't a childhood; it was an initiation.
I learned to walk through fire while still in my baby skin. And somehow, even then, I knew I was not just surviving—I was witnessing. I was collecting codes. I was preparing for something far greater than the pain I was being handed.
Every relationship that followed became a mirror. Some mirrors were kind, but most were carved with shadow. Lovers who saw my light but didn’t know how to hold it. Men who echoed the same cycles of manipulation, neglect, or violence I thought I had escaped. I became fluent in reading their patterns—because I had memorized those patterns in my childhood. I danced with love-bombing, abandonment, control, longing, and confusion. And each time, I peeled back another layer, only to find the flame still burning beneath it all.
I died many times in this lifetime. Not physically, but spiritually.
Each time I was ghosted, gaslit, torn down, or misunderstood, a version of me cracked open. And in the rubble, I found gold.
That gold became gnosis.
I remembered that I was never here to fit the mold. I wasn’t here to stay small, to stay silent, or to serve in cages made of politeness and pain. I came here to alchemize. To turn the weight of every wound into the architecture of a new world—starting with my own body.
My journey through healing became a sacred science.
I devoured teachings—from The Four Agreements to the Law of One, the Emerald Tablets to quantum physics, Carl Jung to Christ consciousness. I studied trauma, psychology, human design, astrology, herbalism, somatics, sacred sexuality, and the esoteric codes that tie them all together. But more than that, I lived it.
Every teaching I offer is rooted in my body’s lived truth.
I am not just a guide. I am the proof.
What I share now is not theory. It is transmission.
Through all of this, I remembered why I’m here:
To speak what others are afraid to name.
To hold what others are afraid to feel.
To rise from what others thought would destroy me—and light the way for those still crawling through the dark.
This is my flame.
Not the fire that burns me.
The fire that made me.
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This is my flame—born from pain, refined by truth, and carried now with purpose.
If my journey stirred something in you, I invite you to share your own.
Your story deserves to be witnessed.
To do that, scroll to the bottom of the blog page linked below, and add your story in the comments.
Let it be part of the fire we’re building together.
