This morning I had a call from one of my daughters and she gave me some good
advice..."TAKE BACK YOUR POWER". It's definitely what I needed to
hear this morning, while I'm in lockdown over a long weekend and crappy weather..... so, thank you to my beautiful girl.
I have had many people reach out to me since I put my first story up, one as
recent as last week. I am proud that I have the courage to speak up, as it is
making a difference which was my number one motivator. This is also about
having a voice for those who may struggle.
As I am writing this it has been 11 weeks of lockdown in Auckland, which I've
mostly spent on my own. I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions for a
variety of reasons, mainly because it is given me far too much thinking time
about life experiences. When I am on my emotional spiral one word always comes
up and that is "EGO". People's ego has caused me a lot of hurt and
disappointment over the years and off the back of a conversation with a close
friend, I feel compelled to write about my views on people's ego and
the damage it does to others.
Throughout my life I have experienced many people who have let me down and treated me badly because of their own ego. I have experienced this within
families, workplaces, relationships, dating and friendships but mostly in the
workplace and in my marriage. Do not misunderstand me, as I believe
we need to have a level of ego, but it needs to be healthy and well balanced.
The challenge I have is my ego has been beaten out of me, after putting
myself at the bottom of the list in all parts of my life, so now when someone
treats me badly I allow it to happen without realising until it is too late. I
battle with this as I also do not want to lose the understanding and
compassionate side of me, because those traits are at the core of who I am. When that goes my warm, fun, and playful side goes with it and then I become closed off. The challenge is to find a healthy balance which I am currently working on.
The workplace is an environment where egos love to thrive. I have been in
senior leadership roles for 15+ years and lead large teams and there is not one
person who I think is ever below me regardless of their role and that is why I
know I am well respected, and my ego is in check. However, because it is not well
balanced this has meant I have been bulldozed over by other people's egos so
they could advance themselves. I have witnessed close friends go through the same
experience and its soul destroying to watch and be on the receiving end of it.
I have recently decided to go dating which has taken me three years to be
ready. It's been an interesting experience meeting men. I thought I would find
this experience daunting, however I quickly learnt that my confidence could make
men nervous and I have got more to offer than I give myself credit for. There is so much noise around getting rid of the patriarchy, feminism, women standing up for themselves and how badly men have treated them, which I fully agree with, however as women have, we stopped to consider what it is like to walk in a man’s world. From what I have witnessed from dating and through other interactions with men, there are many who have been treated just as badly by women and their egos. I believe we have an equal responsibility to treat people respectfully and with kindness.
Dating at this age is daunting regardless of who we are, as we all come with
some level of baggage due to past hurt, which means our guards are up and egos
are out on full display, all with aim of self-preservation. This makes it
hard to connect with people as you only see the tip of the iceberg.
From what I've witnessed and experienced from different men I've had
interactions with (work, friends and romantically) when they are stressed and /
or have had negative experiences with other women they shut down and are too
scared to express themselves in fear of getting hurt and the outcome of that
means they don't treat the one in front of them well, causing a
negative loop for both parties. It is too easy to say, "bugger this" and
walk away, however maybe we need to balance our egos, take a step back and
reach a level of understanding and compassion that it's most likely not about
you and it's because their egos have been bruised and battered as well. That is
the path I choose to take, as it means my ego is balanced and I will find
more peace within myself.
I put this same challenge out to everyone that reads this, how often have you allowed your ego to get in the way of doing the right thing, which has had a negative impact on someone else or at the other extreme, of letting it get in the way of you taking a leap of faith and moving past your own fear?
In my experience Ego's = bullying, advancing oneself, selfishness, hurt, spitefulness, jealousy, and power......Food for thought.
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