The Bitter Sweet Blog Series — Blog 6

By Schané Jacobs

“Sometimes the scariest part of diabetes isn't what is happening to your body today, but the memory of what happened yesterday — and the fear of what might happen tomorrow.”

When a Low Is More Than Just a Number

If you've been following my Bitter Sweet Blog series, you'll know that I've shared the funny side of living with Type 1 diabetes, the ridiculous comments people make, the endless calculations, and the invisible battles that come with this illness.

But today, I want to talk about something a little more serio7us.

Fear.

Not the kind of fear you feel when you watch a scary movie and pull the blanket over your head. I'm talking about the kind of fear that comes from knowing your blood sugar can change the course of your day in a matter of minutes.

Living with diabetes has taught me that numbers matter. A lot.

But behind every reading is a human being, and sometimes that human being is frightened.

I know, because I've been there.

After almost 30 years of living with Type 1 diabetes, I have experienced things that I would never wish on anyone. I've had dangerously low blood sugar, experienced comas, and faced moments when my body was in trouble before I could fully understand what was happening.

Those experiences leave a mark.

And even when the immediate danger passes, the memory doesn't always disappear with it.

The Lows That Changed the Way I Think

There is a big difference between hearing someone explain a severe low blood sugar episode and actually experiencing one yourself.

I've had readings drop to frightening levels. I've experienced episodes where my blood sugar was so dangerously low that I needed emergency help.

I remember the seriousness of those moments, and I know how quickly things can change.

When your blood sugar drops too low, you may become confused, weak, shaky, sweaty or unable to think clearly. In severe cases, you can lose consciousness and need someone else to help you.

That is one of the frightening things about diabetes: sometimes, the very condition you are trying to manage can affect your ability to manage it.

And that is not something you can simply laugh off.

I've experienced hypoglycaemic comas, and those experiences have made me deeply aware of how serious a low can be.

People sometimes talk about low blood sugar as though it's just a little inconvenience that can be fixed with something sweet.

If only it were always that simple.

A mild low may be manageable with the right treatment, but a severe low is an emergency. There is a reason diabetes is something we need to take seriously, even on the days when we'd rather not think about it at all.

The Fear That Follows You Home

One thing people may not understand is that fear doesn't always end when the medical emergency ends.

You may recover physically, get back into your routine, smile at your family and carry on with your day.

But somewhere in the back of your mind, the memory is still there.

You remember how frightening it was.

You remember how vulnerable you felt.

And sometimes, you wonder whether it could happen again.

For me, having experienced severe lows has made me very aware that diabetes can be unpredictable. You can do your best to manage it and still face difficult moments.

That uncertainty can be exhausting.

Sometimes you may feel anxious before going to sleep. You may worry about what your blood sugar will do during the night. You may feel uneasy when you're alone, or when you're somewhere unfamiliar.

You might even find yourself checking how you feel more often because you want to be sure everything is okay.

And then there are the moments when you wonder whether you're being overly cautious or whether your fear is understandable.

The truth is, after a frightening experience, it can take time to feel safe again.

There is no shame in admitting that.

The Loss That Lives in My Heart

Some fears and losses leave marks on your heart that time can never completely erase.

For me, losing my precious baby boy, Kian Valentine, is one of those experiences.

There are no perfect words to describe the pain of losing a child, or the way that loss becomes part of you as you continue living your life.

My journey has included frightening moments with diabetes, but my story is also about the personal heartbreaks I've had to carry along the way. Some battles are visible, while others live quietly in your heart, even when the world sees you smiling.

Kian will always be part of my story, part of my heart, and part of the woman I am today.

I have learned that we can carry sadness and still find reasons to smile. We can remember those we have lost while continuing to love, live and find our way forward.

Some pain never truly disappears. We simply learn to carry it with love.

And although life asks us to keep moving forward, it doesn't mean we have to leave the people we've lost behind in our hearts.

My baby boy will always have a place in mine. ❤️

Three O'Clock in the Morning Is Not My Favourite Time

Let me tell you something: there is absolutely nothing glamorous about being woken up in the middle of the night by a diabetes emergency.

Three o'clock in the morning should be reserved for sleeping, dreaming and perhaps getting up for a glass of water.

It should not involve paramedics, frightening blood sugar readings or wondering how the night has turned into something you never expected.

I've had experiences where help was needed in the early hours of the morning because my blood sugar had dropped dangerously low.

Those moments remind you that diabetes does not respect your schedule.

It doesn't care whether you've had a long day, whether you're exhausted, or whether you have a busy morning waiting for you.

It certainly doesn't send a polite message saying, “Dear Schané, please be advised that an emergency may occur at approximately 03:00. Kindly prepare yourself.”

No. Diabetes is not that considerate!

I can joke about it now, but the reality of those experiences is serious.

When you have been through a frightening low, you may find that nights carry a different kind of worry. Sleep is supposed to be when you rest and recharge, but the fear of another episode can sometimes make it difficult to relax completely.

This is one of the parts of diabetes that people may never see.

They see you getting on with your life during the day. They don't necessarily see the thoughts that come when the house is quiet and there is nothing to distract you.

When Your Body Gives You a Fright

One of the hardest things about diabetes is learning to recognise what your body is telling you, while knowing that some symptoms can be confusing or difficult to interpret.

Sometimes you feel shaky and immediately wonder whether your blood sugar is dropping.

Sometimes you feel exhausted and ask yourself whether it's diabetes, lack of sleep, stress or simply life catching up with you.

And sometimes you feel completely fine, only to discover that your reading tells a different story.

It can make you very aware of your body.

But being aware doesn't mean you can predict everything.

Almost 30 years of experience has taught me a lot, but it hasn't given me a magical ability to know exactly what my blood sugar will do next.

I wish it had!

Imagine having a tiny dashboard in your head that gave you a warning before every high or low. A little red light could flash and say, “Schané, darling, take action now. Things are about to get interesting.”

I would happily accept that feature!

Unfortunately, real life isn't always that convenient.

That is why checking your glucose, following your individual treatment plan and getting support from your diabetes healthcare team are so important.

Experience helps, but it doesn't make us invincible.

The Highs Have Their Own Story

We talk a lot about low blood sugar because severe lows can be frightening and dangerous. But high blood sugar can also affect how you feel, how you function and how much energy you have.

Highs can leave you feeling thirsty, tired, uncomfortable and frustrated. When glucose levels are very high, particularly if there is not enough insulin, a person with Type 1 diabetes can develop diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), which is a serious medical emergency.

For me, the difficult part is that diabetes is not always a neat little equation.

You can make decisions carefully and still find that your blood sugar doesn't respond the way you expected.

You can plan a meal, consider your insulin, try to do everything properly and still end up with a reading that makes you stare at your meter as though it has personally betrayed you.

And yes, sometimes you want to ask it, “What exactly was your problem today?”

Of course, the meter is only reporting a number. It isn't plotting against me.

At least, I don't think it is!

But behind that frustration can be genuine worry. Repeated high readings can leave you wondering what needs to change, whether you're missing something and how to get things back under control.

The important thing is not to turn every difficult reading into a reason to blame yourself.

Diabetes management is complicated. Patterns matter, and support from your healthcare team can help you work through recurring problems safely.

A number is information. It is not a measure of your worth, your intelligence or your ability to care for yourself.

When Fear Steals a Little of Your Freedom

One of the things I've had to think about is how fear can influence the way you live.

You may hesitate before doing something because you're worried about your blood sugar.

You may wonder whether it is safe to go somewhere alone, exercise, travel or simply enjoy a day out without thinking about what could go wrong.

You may feel more comfortable when someone is nearby, especially after a frightening experience.

And sometimes, you get tired of having to think about all of it.

I want to enjoy my life. I want to make memories, laugh with the people I love, make plans and look forward to the future.

I don't want every decision to be ruled by fear.

But I also know that managing Type 1 diabetes means respecting the risks and preparing for them.

For me, the balance is learning to take sensible precautions without allowing the worst moments of my past to decide everything about my future.

That is not always easy.

And I don't think anyone should feel guilty for finding it difficult.

If fear is making you avoid ordinary activities, disrupting your sleep or leaving you constantly anxious, please know that you can talk to your diabetes healthcare team about it. Emotional support and practical safety planning can be part of diabetes care, too.

You don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed before asking for help.

I Am Not Weak Because I Am Afraid

For a long time, I think many of us have felt that we must be strong because we have no other choice.

We get up. We manage our insulin. We check our glucose. We look after our families, go to work, make plans and carry on.

People may even admire how well we cope.

But coping doesn't mean you never feel frightened.

Surviving a difficult experience doesn't mean it didn't affect you.

And being experienced at living with diabetes doesn't mean you should be expected to handle every moment without support.

I have learned that I can be strong and still be scared.

I can be grateful for my life and still wish I didn't have to manage this illness every single day.

I can laugh about the ridiculous things diabetes puts me through and still take the serious parts of it to heart.

Those things can all be true at once.

I am not less of a warrior because I have moments of fear.

Neither are you.

To Anyone Who Has Been Frightened by a Low

If you've experienced a severe low, a frightening night or a moment when your body felt completely out of your control, I want you to know that you are not alone in finding those experiences difficult.

You don't have to pretend they never happened.

You don't have to turn every painful memory into an inspirational story.

Sometimes, it is enough to acknowledge that something frightened you and that you are still finding your way forward.

Talk to someone you trust. Tell your healthcare team what you've experienced, especially if you're having recurring lows or are afraid of them happening again. Together, you can review your treatment and create a plan that helps you manage risk.

If you have Type 1 diabetes, make sure the people close to you know how to recognise a severe low and what to do in an emergency. Ask your healthcare team whether prescribed glucagon and a continuous glucose monitor with alerts would be appropriate for you.

And remember: if someone is unconscious, having a seizure or unable to swallow safely because of suspected severe hypoglycaemia, do not give them food or drink by mouth. Someone should call emergency services, use prescribed emergency treatment if available and follow their training.

Taking precautions isn't living in fear. It is giving yourself and the people who care about you a safer way forward.

The Fear Is Part of My Story, But It Is Not the Whole Story

When I think about my journey with Type 1 diabetes, I cannot pretend that fear has never been part of it.

I've had frightening experiences. I've faced moments that reminded me how vulnerable the human body can be. I've had to learn things about myself that I never expected to learn.

But I have also lived.

I've loved, laughed, become a mother, faced heartbreak, made memories and continued discovering who I am.

My life is not a collection of blood sugar readings and emergency moments.

It is a life filled with people, dreams, lessons, disappointments, courage and hope.

I refuse to let the frightening parts erase everything else.

I cannot promise that I will never feel afraid again. None of us can promise that life will always be predictable.

But I can keep learning. I can ask for help when I need it. I can take my health seriously without forgetting to enjoy the life I am working so hard to protect.

And I can remind myself that I am still here.

Still growing.

Still laughing, even when diabetes gives me absolutely nothing to laugh about.

Still Schané.

A Little Reminder From Me to You

If you are living with diabetes, please don't judge yourself for having difficult days.

You are not failing because you feel anxious. You are not weak because a memory still frightens you. And you do not have to prove your strength by suffering in silence.

Give yourself the same kindness you would give someone you love.

And if you know someone living with diabetes, please remember that a simple question like “How are you really doing?” can mean more than you realise.

Sometimes, we don't need another opinion about what we should eat or how we should live.

Sometimes, we need someone who understands that behind the numbers is a person doing their best.

After almost 30 years with Type 1 diabetes, I am still learning how to live with the fear without letting it take over.

That is my truth.

Diabetes may frighten me sometimes, but it does not get to decide the value of my life.

I am still Schané. I am still me. And I am still moving forward. ❤️

Until next time,

Schané Jacobs

Author of My Bitter Sweet Struggle: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Truth of My Life with Diabetes.

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Health note: This blog shares my personal experience and is not a substitute for medical advice. Diabetes and hypoglycaemia affect people differently. Please speak with your diabetes healthcare team about your individual treatment and emergency plan.