You can see the smile. You can't always see the struggle behind it.
The Battle Nobody Sees
If you've been following my Bitter Sweet Blog series, you'll know by now that living with diabetes comes with its fair share of ridiculous moments, unwanted opinions and enough mathematical calculations to make you question whether you accidentally signed up for an advanced accounting course.
We've laughed about some of it. And honestly, sometimes laughter is exactly what gets us through.
But today, I want to talk about the side of diabetes that doesn't always make it into a funny story.
The side people don't see.
Because after almost 30 years of living with Type 1 diabetes, I've learned something important: just because someone looks okay doesn't mean they are okay.
Sometimes, the biggest battles happen behind the biggest smiles.
Diabetes Never Takes a Day Off
Imagine waking up in the morning and, before your feet even touch the floor, knowing there's already something you need to manage.
Your blood sugar. Your insulin. Your food. Your energy levels. Your plans for the day.
And that's before life even gets a chance to throw its usual surprises at you!
Most people can have a bad day, skip a meal because they're busy, go for a walk without thinking too much about it, or simply decide that today they cannot be bothered with anything complicated.
With Type 1 diabetes, even the ordinary things can require extra thought.
Food isn't always just food. Exercise isn't always just exercise. Feeling tired isn't always just feeling tired.
You learn to pay attention to things other people may never even think about.
And sometimes, you get tired of thinking about them.
Not because you don't care about your health, but because you're human. Your brain needs a break, too.
Unfortunately, diabetes doesn't understand the words, “Can we deal with this tomorrow?”
It has absolutely no respect for office hours.
The Fear That Can Stay With You
There are experiences in life that change the way you see things. For me, some of the frightening moments I've experienced with diabetes have stayed with me long after the moment itself has passed.
When you've experienced dangerously low blood sugar, you understand that a low is not always something you can casually brush aside.
I've experienced severe lows, including comas. These are not stories I tell for sympathy. They are part of my reality, and they have taught me just how serious this illness can be.
There is a difference between knowing that something can happen and having lived through it yourself.
Sometimes, the fear doesn't end when the immediate danger has passed. You may find yourself worrying about what could happen next, wondering whether you'll recognise the warning signs, or feeling uneasy when your body doesn't feel quite right.
And that is a difficult thing to explain to someone who has never experienced it.
They may see you going about your day as usual. They may not realise that, somewhere in the back of your mind, you're still carrying memories of moments when things went terribly wrong.
You can be grateful to be here and still be frightened by what you've been through.
Both feelings can exist at the same time.
The Exhaustion Is More Than Physical
People often talk about being tired. We all know what it feels like to have a long day, to sleep badly or to have too much on our plates.
But managing a chronic illness adds another layer of responsibility.
There is the physical side, of course. But there is also the mental load of constantly making decisions, watching for changes and trying to keep things as stable as possible.
And then there is everything else.
Being a mother. Being a partner. Looking after a home. Managing relationships. Dealing with life's disappointments. Trying to make plans for the future. Wanting to feel good about yourself and enjoy the things that make life worthwhile.
Diabetes doesn't politely step aside while you deal with those things.
It comes along for the ride.
Sometimes, you're trying to manage your blood sugar while life is busy happening around you. Sometimes, you're worried about your health while trying to be strong for the people you love.
And sometimes, you just want to sit down, take a deep breath and have five minutes in which absolutely nobody needs anything from you.
Not even your pancreas!
Of course, with Type 1 diabetes, my pancreas isn't exactly going to surprise me by suddenly taking over the job again. So the responsibility remains.
But that doesn't mean I never feel overwhelmed by it.
Being responsible for managing diabetes and feeling exhausted by that responsibility are not contradictions. They can both be true.
The Loneliness of Being Misunderstood
One of the hardest things about living with an illness that people cannot fully see is trying to explain an experience they have never had.
You can explain what a low blood sugar feels like. You can explain why insulin matters. You can explain why you sometimes need to stop what you're doing and pay attention to your body.
But explaining something and helping another person truly understand it are two different things.
Sometimes people mean well but don't know what to say. Sometimes they offer advice when what you really need is understanding. Sometimes they assume that because you've lived with diabetes for years, you must have everything figured out by now.
I wish it worked that way!
Almost 30 years of experience doesn't mean I suddenly have a crystal ball that tells me exactly what my blood sugar will do next.
Diabetes can be unpredictable, and experience doesn't make you immune to difficult days.
There can also be a loneliness in being the person who has to live with the consequences of every decision. Other people can support you, encourage you and walk beside you, but they cannot take over your body or experience the illness for you.
That is why compassion matters so much.
Sometimes, I don't need someone to solve a problem. I need someone to listen without judging me, to understand that I'm doing my best, or simply to ask how I'm feeling.
Not every difficult moment needs a lecture.
Sometimes, a little kindness goes a very long way.
Being a Mother While Managing Diabetes
Life doesn't stop because you have diabetes. Neither does motherhood.
There are children to love, worries to carry, responsibilities to meet and moments you want to remember forever.
Over the years, my life has included beautiful moments as well as heartbreak and loss. My experiences as a mother are woven into the woman I am today, just as diabetes is woven into my story.
There have been times when I've had to think about my health while also thinking about the people who depend on me.
That can be a difficult balancing act.
You want to be present. You want to be strong. You want to enjoy the moment without constantly having to think about what might happen next.
But you also know that looking after yourself matters.
For anyone who is a parent and lives with diabetes, I want to say this: you do not have to be perfect to be a good mother or father. You do not have to pretend you're never afraid or tired.
Taking care of yourself is not selfish. Asking for help is not failure.
And being honest about how difficult things can be does not make you weak.
It makes you human.
Strong Doesn't Mean Unbreakable
I've often thought about what it means to be strong.
For a long time, we seem to have this idea that strong people are the ones who keep going without complaining. They smile, they cope, they sort everything out and they never let anyone see them struggle.
But I don't believe that anymore.
I think strength can look like getting out of bed on a day when you're emotionally exhausted.
It can look like admitting that you're scared.
It can look like asking someone to help you, even when you're used to doing everything yourself.
And sometimes, strength is simply saying, “Today is hard, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.”
I have lived with Type 1 diabetes for almost three decades. I have learned a great deal, and I am still learning. I have survived frightening experiences, faced difficult chapters and continued building a life beyond my diagnosis.
But I am not made of steel.
I am a woman with feelings, dreams, responsibilities and moments of uncertainty. I laugh, I cry, I get frustrated, and sometimes I wish life came with an instruction manual.
Preferably one with a troubleshooting section and a very patient customer service department!
Humour still has its place, even in the serious moments. It reminds me that I am more than the illness I live with.
To the Person Fighting a Battle Nobody Sees
If you are reading this and living with diabetes, perhaps some of these words feel familiar.
Perhaps you are tired of explaining yourself. Perhaps you've had days when managing your condition felt like one responsibility too many. Perhaps you've smiled at someone and said you were fine because explaining the truth would have taken more energy than you had left.
I want you to know that you are allowed to be honest about your experience.
You can love your life and still struggle with diabetes.
You can be grateful for the people around you and still sometimes feel alone.
You can be experienced at managing your condition and still need support.
You can be a warrior without having to fight every battle in silence.
And if someone you love is living with diabetes, remember that you may never see the whole picture. Listen to them. Believe them. Offer support without making them feel that they have to prove how difficult their experience is.
You may not be able to take their illness away, but you can help make the journey a little less lonely.
I Am Still Me
When I look back at the years I've lived with Type 1 diabetes, I don't see only blood sugar readings, insulin injections, frightening moments or difficult days.
I see a whole life.
I see the woman I was when this journey began, and the woman I have become through everything life has brought my way.
I see the lessons I never asked to learn, the strength I didn't always know I had, and the parts of myself that have continued to grow despite the challenges.
Diabetes is part of my story, but it is not my entire identity.
I am still a mother. I am still a woman with dreams. I can still laugh, love, make plans, discover new things and look forward to what lies ahead.
I don't need to pretend this journey has been easy to recognise that my life has value.
And I don't need to hide the difficult parts to celebrate the good ones.
That is the bitter sweet truth.
Some days are harder than others. Some experiences leave marks that other people may never see. And sometimes, simply getting through the day takes more effort than anyone realises.
But there is still a life to live beyond those difficult moments.
So, if you take one thing away from this blog, let it be this:
Be kind to yourself. Be patient with others. And never assume that you know someone's whole story just because you can see them smiling.
Behind every diagnosis is a human being.
Behind every blood sugar reading is a life being lived.
And behind my own journey is a woman who is still learning, still growing and still finding reasons to laugh.
I am Schané.
I live with Type 1 diabetes.
But diabetes is not all that I am.
And I am still me. ❤️
Until next time,
Author of My Bitter Sweet Struggle: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Truth of My Life with Diabetes.
Please remember: Every person's experience with diabetes is different. If you experience severe or recurring low blood sugar, speak to your diabetes healthcare team about your individual management and safety plan.
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