I never know exactly what to say or where to start when it comes to blogs. This is kind of my first blog. That I can remember that is. Once upon a time, maybe 10 years ago, I had a WordPress page and probably wrote there. But I can't remember what I wrote. Possibly my poetry. I don't often share my work until I'm ready to publish it in a book. I have four poetry books published on Amazon and two here on PayHip. I need to add the other two, plus my fictional work under my pen name, Lula Brielle. Oh, that reminds me, my name is Tara Bahamonde' but I write and self-publish books under the name Tara Baja. It's much shorter and easier to remember.
I also keep forgetting I actually have a PayHip store and to find that I'm also able to blog here makes things so much easier for me! And I like having things easy, my life is much too difficult as it is. I am chronically ill, I have a kidney transplant that leaves me immunocompromised. I also have a couple of mental illnesses (Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder) as well as anxiety. So, getting things done takes me a lot of time. Such as creating this blog and actually making my PayHip account look professional. If there is such a thing as professionalism in my case.
If you already follow me on social media, you may be familiar with my authenticity and just basically not giving a fuck.. Unless something bothers me, then I can’t help but rant about it. Because of my use of Facebook and Instagram, I never thought to actually create a blog, since I already overshare there. But today, I wrote a poem that I felt was so personal, I was actually hesitant to post it. So, I finally buckled down and created this, my very first blog. The following is the aforementioned poem:
Love Less
I must confess
I need to love him less
The more time passes
I
Feel pain and often cry
That’s why
I must love him less
He’s not mine
Why do I stress?
Why can’t I let him go?
Because he’s not alone
There’s not just one but two
I fell for him AND you
Both made me love
When I
Didn't want to
Cuz I know loves a lie
So why try?
The answer is so clear
It’s not easier to be fair
I just made everything a mess
I have to learn to love them less.
This poem is obviously about my relationship. With Borderline Personality Disorder, having personal relationships are very difficult for me to handle and I recently broke up with my Beau because it was too stressful for me. With my mental and physical health, I feel I am better off alone. And while I am an open book and speak my truth daily on social media, I was afraid to admit that. I know I’m flawed but that pretty much makes me feel defective. But to be honest, I laughed as I wrote that. As much as I have a hard time loving myself, I actually do love me. I may be defective but I’m still ok. I may be mean but I’m still empathic. I may be sensitive but I am also a strong ass bitch. And I’m thankful you clicked the link to the blog to read this. I hope I did this blogging thing right. Til next time, stay blessed and safe, my BooBerries!!
XO, Tara