When you are in a state of burnout, you need help from others. You have to open your mouth or submit something in writing. You have to make a request for someone else to intervene or do something on your behalf.
At the end of 2016, my son Xavier was born 15 weeks early. He was in the hospital for almost 3 months. I had my typical 6-weeks paid leave off from work. My company also gave an additional 2-week paid parental leave. It could be used right after the original 6-week leave or within the first year of your newborn’s life.
My son was still in the NICU at the end of my 6-week leave. I decided to wait to use my additional 2-week leave when he was released from the hospital.
Xavier was released in February 2017, President’s Day weekend. I was so excited that he was finally coming home. His nursery was ready. I had everything I could think of to take care of my little guy (plus a bunch of stuff I didn’t need).
We had to rush him back to the hospital a few days after his release. He was having trouble breathing and turned blue. I was at home with him by myself, which was one of my life's scariest events.
He was re-admitted to the NICU in the same room he had left. I decided to stay at the hospital with him for the duration of his stay. I didn’t have to work, so I wasn’t going anywhere.
Thankfully, he was released 3 days later without any other incidents. I had about a week to bond with my son before returning to work.
As with all new mothers, going back to work was beyond hard. His 2 hospital stays drastically minimized our initial bonding time. During that time, I was nursing, working full-time, and extremely exhausted.
Before Xavier came home, I went to work every day and went straight to the hospital after work. I was barely sleeping, eating right, or functioning at my normal levels. I was emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. It didn’t change when he came home.
A few months after I used my 2-week parental leave, my company made an announcement. It was a great announcement for future parents and new parents. Those who hadn’t taken their additional paid parental leave yet.
They were extending the additional 2-week paid parental leave to 6 weeks. A new mother could now take 12 weeks off right after giving birth to heal her body and bond with her child. A new father was also entitled to 6 weeks of paid leave. The change took effect immediately.
I was angry! Why couldn’t they have made this change a few months earlier? You don’t understand—I NEEDED that time with my son!
The new policy was released on a Friday afternoon. People were praising the new move. I stayed quiet. I went home and did some thinking.
Why did my company do this? They realized the importance of initial bonding time. They were reasonable. I could ask for an exception to be made under the circumstances. I only had 1 week to bond with my child once he was released from the hospital before returning to work.
I called the benefits department to plead my case. I was told that no exceptions would be made. That didn’t sit right with me.
I decided to draft an email to my manager. In business, I am as professional as can be. I presented facts to back up my request for 4 more weeks of paid leave to bond with my son. I acknowledged the fact that I had a colleague on my team who recently had a baby and missed the cutoff as I did. She had a full-term baby without the additional hospital stay.
I knew how I was feeling. I knew I needed that extra time with my son. I knew they could either say yes or no. I went for it and ASKED. I didn’t get 4 weeks, but they gave me 2—2 additional paid weeks off.
Those 2 weeks were 2 of the best weeks of my life! It was enough to cure that longing that I had deep inside of me. I longed to have quality, uninterrupted time with my son. I asked and got it!
Something was off in my life at that time, and I couldn’t quite figure it out. It wasn’t until I started researching burnout in 2020, that I realized what it was. I was experiencing burnout back then. It was the first of 3 times that I’ve experienced burnout in my life. Each new case of burnout was more severe than the previous one.
When you are experiencing burnout, you have to take a hands-on approach to do something about it. One of the main things you must do is ask for what you need. Maybe you need to ask for help with a demanding project or help around the house. Maybe you need to ask for an exception to be made for you.
Burnout escalates quickly. Most of the time, a 2-week vacation isn’t enough to overcome it. If burnout goes unchecked, other methods are needed to get it under control.
Are you ready to ASK for help?
Are you feeling hopeless, stuck, or overwhelmed in your burnout situation? Message me today for a free discovery call.
Meryleen
Burnout Coach
Flourish Queen, LLC
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