“Food & Relationships.. What’s SELF LOVE got to do with it?”
Books and life alike have taught me that your relationships with others are a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. But what isn’t talked about is how your relationship with food is also one of those relationships. Yep! The way you view and use food on a daily basis is too a reflection of your relationship with self. Mainly a reflection of SELF WORTH and SELF LOVE.
I didn’t really put a pin in this until I reviewed my past relationships and traumas. There was a direct link in the way I was eating, using food, and allowing myself to be in hurtful relationships.
So let’s go back to my childhood. I had to go here first because this is where our relationship with food, others, and ourselves are molded.
As I child I remember always being called Greedy. Whenever I asked for a snack, whenever someone told a story about me eating as a child. Before anyone found out how smart I was I had already been labeled GREEDY. This began creating feelings of being reluctant to ask for my needs to be met in relationships.
It’s true that I really enjoyed food. I still do, but what I learned through research is that I was eating as a form of pleasure. Like many people living unfulfilled lives food is the easiest form of pleasure to obtain. Eating to nourish or even used in celebration (in a mindful manner) is one thing, but overeating, emotional eating, and binge eating are all coping mechanism of an unfulfilled life and lack of authority over ones life. So even as a young child I had began to have feelings of unworthiness and found food as an easy way to cope.
And the name calling didn’t exactly help, but don’t feel bad for me. I later learned it was “projection” from the adults in my life who weren’t able to supply my needs. I’ve found that when adults criticize children wants they have their own insecurities around their needs being met whether it be love, money or whatever they desire, consequently scrutinizing their request because subconsciously they hope to deter them from asking for more of what they can’t provide. In my case, my needs being met. They believe the children are taking from them in some kind of way, so they label them greedy or begging.
But on the other hand I was also being fed the traditional American diet with a low nutritional profile so of course I was hungry! LOL
But seriously I grew up in a highly critical household and that made me feel like I wasn’t doing anything right. I felt unloved and unseen. I’m also the middle child so my experiences usually got grouped with the rest of the bunch when I really wanted to stand out.
But when I learned how to cook I finally got my shine. I started around the age of eight years old. My first attempt was after waking up late for breakfast to find my two sisters adding water to their breakfast cereal because there wasn’t enough milk. I refused to eat that and went to the kitchen and decided to experiment. Even as a child I wasn’t afraid to do my own thing.
This then turned into making my mom soup and sandwiches when she was sick. Even though she told me she didn’t like that I smashed her grilled cheeses, I still felt appreciated. Maybe even worth something.
Over the years, my mom and I bonded over food. Whenever she was sad or lonely she would spend extra time with me and I would bake us a cake or cookies and we’d watch movies together. Those were some of my favorite memories with my mother.
Consequently, I was solidifying and corrupting my identity and relationship with food and pleasure. I was learning to cook for people to get the emotional attention I wanted. Later this would look like me cooking for guys I was dating trying to prove my worth and gain a little extra time with them.
This was a huge mistake as it only attracted emotionally unavailable boys that made me feel even less acknowledged. Just a toxic cycle.
Be careful who you out here cooking for!
Throughout my teens and early twenties, I hadn’t taken any time to evaluate my actions or self-identity so behaviors like people pleasing, letting go of boundaries, accepting aggressors, being put down, and forgiving people without acknowledging my feelings put me into a cycle of self-abuse.
My voice had gotten so small.
In addition to that I wasn’t even paying attention to how bad my eating habits had become due to me losing authority over my life. My sister used to joke about my debit card “being on file” at the local McDonald’s because I used to go so much.
One toxic coping mechanism after another. Giving up MY POWER to junk food, drugs, sex, and alcohol.
At the age of 30, two kids and two baby dads later, I finally ended the most toxic relationship I’d ever been in. The reflection of my self-worth was more than I could stand.
I was ready to get off that emotional rollercoaster. I was tired.
Now I’m not going to lie and say everything changed in an instant because it DIDN’T.
Over the next 5 years I would have to FEEL my way out of depression, FACE my past, FIND my voice, and do the WORK to REALIGN with who I was DESIGNED to be. It was all new to me. I stumbled along the way, fell back into toxic habits, and had to battle self-sabotage.
BUT what catapulted my decision to BREAK FREE from that TOXIC RELATIONSHIP and paved the way to FIX MY RELATIONSHIP WITH SELF was FIXING my RELATIONSHIP with FOOD.
That year I had successfully transitioned my family to a WHOLE FOOD plant diet.
DECIDING to FINALLY CUT the strings with SUGAR, TOXIC JUNK FOOD, DEATH FOOD, AND EMOTIONAL EATING allowed me to begin cutting the strings with my TOXIC IDENTITY.
Eating a whole food diet cleared up YEARS of MENTAL CONFUSION and I was BLESSED WITH CLARITY! It was like I was back in the driver’s seat instead of the back seat of my life.
I learned so much about nutrition and its relationship with our mental, physical, and emotional health. I was finally able to understand how I was disabling my Authenticity, Self Authority, Self Worth, and Self Love through toxic food addiction. I couldn’t go back.
It put me on the path to HEALING my SELF-LOVE LIFE.
When I began my health journey I didn’t know it would be the bridge to a better Self Love Life.
I just took action and that action gave me my POWER back. The POWER to CHOOSE BETTER. The POWER to CREATE.
I always knew I could do better, be better, and have better, but years of self-sabotage and denying my inner voice led me astray. I forgot who I was. Ending the toxic cycles and relationships started my life over.
Today my world looks a lot different. I live a life “Made from Scratch.”
I have recognized the error in my ways and forgiven myself for my past actions.
I have released my addictions to junk food, drugs, and alcohol.
I have replaced toxic actions, foods, and relationships with LOVE, HARMONY, AND PEACE.
I have accepted authority over my body and feel good in it.
I am not afraid to create boundaries and use my voice.
I am in control of my health and my life design.
But best of all I HONOR AND LOVE MYSELF in everything that I do.
My gift of cooking is now used for nourishment and health. My relationship with food is a joyous one.
My Self Love Life is the most beautiful it has been in years.
I am free.
Thank you for letting me share my story with you. I hope that by using my voice I give you the courage to step out of your toxic identity and heal your Self Love Life.
Our relationship with others, ourselves, and food are synonymous and must be cared for as such in a Holistic way.
If you are suffering from self-sabotage through food and emotional abuse and are ready to break free from the cycle, the "Start from Scratch" Workshop is the first step towards rebuilding your life.
THE “START FROM SCRATCH” WORKSHOP IS YOUR YELLOW BRICK ROAD LEADING YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!
HOW SWAY?
💕 You will learn the EXACT method I USED for BREAKING FREE from MY OWN TOXIC PATTERNS and RESURRECTING my SELF LOVE LIFE!
💕This method is the FOUNDATION for my HOLISTIC LIFESTYLE TRANSFORMATION Program and I'm going to teach it to you LIVE!
💕With this method you will have the tools to CREATE a SOLID PLAN to dig yourself out of SELF SABOTAGE and build a life you LOVE..FROM SCRATCH!
It’s an EASY to DIGEST METHOD to REWIRE your BRAIN, OPEN your HEART, and GAIN the COURAGE to BREAK UP with SELF SABOTAGE, REALIGN with SELF LOVE, and REBUILD YOUR LIFE FROM SCRATCH!
SO IF YOUR READY TO GET YOUR HEALTH AND YOUR HEART TOGETHER SO YOU CAN GET OFF THAT EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER, REALIGN WITH SELF LOVE, and REBUILD YOUR LIFE FROM SCRATCH!
HEALING IS A WHOLE VIBE AND WE LIT!
Signed, Your Holistic Homegirl