Hey yo, you.
(Not the version of you that’s trying to improve.
Not the version that’s trying to heal.
Not the version that’s trying to become.)
You.
The one who is here right now.
For a long time, I thought I was on a journey to find myself. I searched through books, relationships, goals, spiritual practices, accomplishments, disappointments, and dreams. I kept believing that somewhere ahead of me was the version of me I was meant to be.
But something unexpected happened.
I got tired.
Tired of chasing horizons.
Tired of moving goalposts.
Tired of treating myself like a destination.
And in the quiet that followed, I noticed something.
I wasn’t searching for myself.
I was searching for closeness.
For intimacy.
For the feeling of being at home within my own life.
Somewhere deep inside, I remembered what that felt like.
And realizing how distant it had become brought a sadness I couldn’t ignore.
Not shame.
Not judgment.
Just grief for all the years I spent searching everywhere except here.
Because Self was never missing.
Self was there when I was succeeding.
Self was there when I was struggling.
Self was there beneath every reinvention, every heartbreak, every attempt to become more.
The distance wasn’t between me and some future version of me.
The distance was between me and my own experience.
My own breath.
My own body.
My own feelings.
My own life.
Self-closeness isn’t self-improvement.
It’s sitting beside yourself long enough to hear what you’ve been trying to say.
It’s noticing the way sunlight falls across the room.
The feeling of your feet touching the ground.
The song that makes your heart soften.
The sadness that asks to be felt instead of fixed.
The joy that arrives for no reason at all.
It’s the intimacy of an ordinary life.
And maybe that’s what I’ve been returning to all along.
Not enlightenment.
Not perfection.
Not some final healed version of me.
Just this moment.
This breath.
This life.
This quiet realization that I don’t have to find myself because I never left.
I am simply learning how to stay.
Learning how to notice.
Learning how to be in relationship with my own existence.
A love affair not with an idea of life.
But with life itself.
And maybe that’s enough.
Maybe that’s everything.
I discovered Self was here all along. Not waiting to be found, but waiting to be noticed. Now I am returning to the closeness that was always mine.
🎧 Soundtrack:
Must Be Nice - Lyfe Jennings
Stay inspired. 🫧 Stay connected. ♾️ Stay in flow. 🌸🩷🪬