Confidence doesn’t click overnight. But when you stop abandoning yourself, something new begins to rise.
Let’s start with this:
Low self-esteem does not mean you are broken.
But, maybe your self-esteem might be built on conditions. Conditions that were first put on you by others - and then later reinforced by you.
Be easy to get along with.
Be productive.
Be helpful.
Be less loud.
Be less you.
THEN maybe, just maybe, you’ll be “enough.”
Sound familiar? Somewhere along the way, “confidence” somehow got rebranded into a vibe. A sort of look or an aesthetic. A circus performance, so to speak. But the truth? Real confidence isn’t loud. It’s calm. It doesn’t chase approval - it just… is.
Low Self-Esteem Doesn’t Always Look Insecure
Sometimes it looks like:
– Over-explaining your decisions (ew nope, stop that)
– Saying “yes” before you check in with yourself (what does your gut intuition say?)
– Apologizing for taking up space (umm, don’t do this either)
– Toning yourself down so no one feels uncomfortable (also, don’t.)
– Shrinking your needs because “I’m fine, really” (LOL, no you’re not)
These aren’t just random behaviors. They’re patterns. You learned these early on, created various strategies that helped you avoid rejection, abandonment, or conflict. So if confidence still feels out of reach - it’s not because you’re not trying hard enough. It’s because your nervous system doesn’t feel safe enough.
Confidence is not a mindset. It’s an identity pattern. And like any pattern, it starts somewhere.
If your inner voice still sounds like this…
– “I don’t want to come off as selfish…”
– “They probably know better than I do.”
– “I shouldn’t make this a big deal…”
– “I’m probably overreacting.”
… then your typical “affirmations” won’t fix this. It’s not as simple as screaming into the mirror (or void) that you’re the shit. LOL I mean, it might feel good, hell, might even be true too - but let’s get this back on track into something productive. What I’ve noticed (personally) and professionally, is that we can say or repeat these “positive affirmations” as much as we want to increase our self-esteem but unless we work at the root cause as to why they’re not working or resonating with you, we need to dig a little deeper.
You don’t need to “think more positively.” You need to unlearn the idea that your needs are too much.
This Is Where The Shadow Comes In
Because underneath the “low confidence” is usually a part of you that was never allowed to fully exist.
Maybe you were too emotional.
Too sensitive.
Too weird.
Too loud.
Too intuitive.
Too honest.
So what did you do?
You pushed down the parts of you that others rejected. You performed for them as if it were some circus. You learned to adapt to become the version of you that was easiest to accept. And now, you wonder why you feel like a stranger to yourself.
Self-esteem grows when you stop abandoning your voice in real-time. It’s not about being the most confident, loudest person in the room. It’s about being the one who doesn’t need external validation to act on what they already know. It’s built moment by moment - through aligned action.
– Saying "no" when you mean it
– Naming your preferences without apologizing
– Trusting your own pacing, even if others rush ahead
– Asking for what you want without guilt
You don’t build confidence by doing it “right.” You build it by showing up, again and again, without abandoning who you are.
Want To Go Deeper?
The Self-Esteem Workbook Series is designed to help you rebuild your self-worth at the identity level - not with hype, but with real tools.
You’ll work through:
– NLP-based belief reprogramming
– Shadow work for rejected parts of the self
– Reflection prompts for identity integration
New to this work? Start with the Shadow Work Edition to uncover the root.
Already working through your healing? The NLP Edition will help you rewire what comes next.
Regardless of whichever workbook you pick - give yourself the chance to feel safe in your own voice again.
Or if all you do today is say “no” without over-explaining - that’s growth right there! And I’m proud of you for it.
🖤