In my defense, your honour…
One of my favourite things in life is sitting with like-minded people, over a meal or drinks, and talking, laughing and generally being glad to be alive. I love making people laugh and one item on my bucket-list, is to have a crack at stand-up comedy. I won the November 2021 RightLeftWrite short story competition with a sweet, funny story. You can read it here…
So, I was a bit excited when I saw that the February 2023 prompt was ‘Comedy.’ I smashed out a story and sent it off. None of my writing posse entered; they were just not inspired to write something funny.
Imagine my surprise when I opened the newsletter from the QWC to see that they declined to announce a winner! Quelle horreur! None of us raised a laugh from the judges. Now that’s funny!
I’ll leave my story here for you to be the judge.
DAD JOKES
The drive to Nanna’s for Dad’s birthday lunch is shaping up to be a pearler. Dad had a Birthday Beer with his Egg’s Benny so Mum’s driving while trying to ignore Aunty Jean’s complaints about the heat and its effect on her trifle. Dad got new headphones for his birthday, and Greg inherited his old ones, so now he’s trying to Get the Party Started at the top of his lungs. Sherrin’s whining again, and I’m fascinated by the vein that’s bulging in Mum’s temple.
‘Greggy, mate.’ Aunty Jean says. ‘Turn it down a notch, eh.’ She leans over to tap his leg and spills trifle on my skirt.
As if things couldn’t get any worse, Dad says, ‘Hey, you lot, listen to this one.’
Mum sighs dramatically, like this isn’t all her fault. Last year, she came up with the brilliant plan to do a Secret Santa on Christmas Eve. She’d found something on Pinterest where people in Europe give each other books and then lie around reading and being quiet, two of Mum’s favourite pastimes. We each drew a name out of the mixing bowl and went to the QBD and chose a book for that person. Christmas was a couple of months ago. We’ve all read our books, mine was the original Witcher short stories, but Dad still spends ages in the loo with his, 1001 Dad Jokes, and always comes out with a new joke.
‘I thought Mum gave that book to charity?’ Sherrin groans from the back of the Pajero. She wanted to sit with the dog, but now he’s wedged beside me, eating trifle off my skirt.
‘Give your father a chance,’ Aunty Jean says. Dad’s her favourite nephew and she thinks he walks on water. ‘Go on Pete, tell us your joke.’
Dad turns around and grins at her. ‘Thanks Jeanie. I need to practice if I’m going to impress Jack.’
‘Ha,’ Mum says. ‘Oh honey, thinking you’re going to impress my dad with anything in that book is actually hilarious.’
‘See,’ Dad says, pointing at Mum. ‘My wife thinks I’m hilarious.’ He clears his throat. ‘Three men walk into a bar; you’d think one of them would have seen it.’
Aunty Jean barks out a laugh, and the dog joins in.
‘I don’t get it,’ Sherrin yells. ‘Can you turn up the aircon?’
‘Such a Dad Joke,’ I say, rolling my eyes.
Dad smiles and nods like that’s a good thing.
‘What makes it a Dad Joke,’ Aunty Jean says.
Dad chuckles and turns around to wink at me. ‘It’s a regular joke that becomes ap-parent.’
I don’t really get that one, but mum is smirking.
‘How come there are Dad Jokes but no Mum Jokes?’ Sherrin asks.
‘Us mums have jokes,’ Mum says in fake defensiveness.
‘How do you tell which ones are mum jokes and which are dad jokes?’ Greg shouts over his music which makes everyone laugh.
‘Oh, that’s easy,’ Mum says. ‘The Mum Jokes are funny.’