We gather here today,
not in a chapel or under stone,
but in the quiet ache between drop-off and pick-up,
to mourn the life I thought would be mine.
She was ambitious—
a vision of me in pressed clothes,
walking into offices, lecture halls,
or building something with her own two hands.
She carried a briefcase of dreams,
and a calendar that promised
balance, purpose, and a paycheck.
Today, I lay her down.
Not because she was foolish,
but because the world we live in
never built a place for her.
The schedules clash,
the support is thin,
the choices for mothers all come
laced with sacrifice.
And yet—
I am not empty.
I am wife,
I am mother,
I am the keeper of mornings and afternoons.
My children’s laughter fills the silence
she once imagined would be busy with meetings.
My marriage is a harbor,
steady in its devotion.
So let us not say she died in vain.
The life I thought I’d have at 32
is buried here, with tenderness,
but in her passing she leaves me restless,
still yearning, still reaching.
Perhaps one day
she will rise again—
in a business I dare to begin,
in a classroom that finally opens its doors,
or in the hours I carve for myself
between the ringing of the school bell.
For now, I mourn her.
But I do not forget her.
She walks beside me,
a ghost of possibility,
a reminder that even in limitation,
I am still alive, still becoming.
I have composed this poem while waiting in the school line to pick up my children and it is only 2:51 in the afternoon. I wish I could say that transitioning out of homeschool into public school has been a wonderful experience but honestly it has been more eye-opening than anything. Yes I have obligations now that I didn't before and I have met some nice and wonderful people and we've already had a school meeting that was semi-successful. I attempted to become a substitute teacher at my children's school but the assignment start at the earliest time in the day when I am stuck in the car line dropping my children off and the assignments end at the very end of the day after I'm supposed to be in the car line to pick my children up. I get it I could easily complain and push this issue and request favoritism or special treatment but I'm not that type of person and I don't like attention. So I essentially gave up that idea and I'm just focusing all my energy into this website into tutoring into YouTube channel and into my school work.
So for anybody who has supported me at this time and is wondering maybe why is she still doing this why is she still took caring about education didn't she put her kids in school why does she care? I want to clarify that I will always care about education because my eyes have been opened and I see the issues for what they really are and as much as I could easily make a clickbait YouTube video I can't do that in good faith because I'd rather put my energy into trying to help my local community and even my national community or even an international community to better understand the value of structured literacy and structured numeracy as a strong foundation for learning almost anything.
So thank you for being here to support me.
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