The Year-by-Year Milestones Guide: What Your Black Child Needs From You at Every Age

What it felt like at eight was counting down the minutes in church on Sunday morning, surrounded by white faces, already planning my escape before the hour even started. By thirteen I was holding it together on the outside while looking for anything at home that could take the edge off what I was carrying. Sixteen looked completely different, a version of me performing for everyone, buying friendships, running track, making people laugh, exhausted from trying to fit into two worlds that neither one had fully opened up for me.

My parents had no idea any of that was going on at any of those ages. They couldn't have known, because nobody had ever handed them anything that explained what I was going through or what I was going to need as I moved through it.

That is the gap this guide closes, and what you'll find inside is not general child development content. It's a specific, age-by-age breakdown of what a Black child in a transracial family is actually navigating from age five through eighteen, written by someone who lived through every one of those stages and still carries pieces of each one.

Inside you'll find a clear picture of what your child is likely processing at each stage, the questions they're carrying but not always saying out loud, how their relationship to their racial identity changes as they get older, what your role looks like at each of those stages, and what to do when your child starts to pull away from you.

Most parents in your situation reach each stage unprepared. This guide means you don't have to.

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