The Guide to Co-Parenting

The Guide to Co-Parenting. - Putting your children first, even when things between you are hard

By Jason M Hadden MBE, The FamilyBarrister

Separating is hard. Carrying on as parents with someone you no longer live with, and may no longer agree with, can be harder still. Most of us were never taught how to do it.

This guide is a practical, child-focused help for both parents. I’m a family barrister, and I’ve spent my career seeing what helps children through separation and what makes it worse. I’ve put that into one place, in plain English, with a little humour where it helps, because sometimes you need it.

What’s inside

• Keeping the temperature down. How to de-escalate, how to write messages you won’t regret, and what to do when the other parent pushes your buttons.
• Communicating when it’s difficult. Scripts you can use, things best left unsaid, and how to keep things businesslike.
• Taking your child out of the middle. Spotting the ways children get drawn in, and how to stop it.
• Two homes, two sets of rules. Why children behave differently in each home, and how to cope with it.
• Big life changes. New partners, weddings, step-parents and grandparents, and how to handle them with your child in mind.
• When your child is grieving. For many children, separation feels like a bereavement. This guide explains what that can look like at different ages and how to respond.
• Splits after birth, and breastfeeding. The questions many parents are afraid to ask.
• Difficult co-parents. Practical steps for when the other parent will not cooperate, and how to be the steady parent your child needs.
• The law, explained. How the courts in England and Wales approach children’s arrangements, what the court looks for, and when to seek help, with sources you can check.
• Your questions answered. A “find your question” page covering 48 of the things parents most often ask, with a link to the answer.

Designed to be used, not just read

You don’t need to read it from cover to cover. The guide is built so you can dip in and out. There are 29 short chapters, a linked contents page, coloured tip boxes you can scan in seconds, and links that take you straight to what you need and back again.

Who it’s for

Separated or separating parents, whatever stage you’re at. It is written for both parents, not for one side against the other, and it has the child at the centre throughout. It will also be useful for grandparents, step-parents, and anyone supporting a family through a separation.

Good to know

• 141 pages, PDF, with clickable chapters and links
• Written for England and Wales
• General information, not legal advice. Every family is different, and if you need advice on your own situation, please speak to a qualified solicitor or barrister.
• This guide is the author’s own work. It is not published on behalf of his chambers.

If it helps one child have a calmer weekend handover, it has done its job.