The Chapter That Was Hardest to Write
There was a chapter in this book that took me longer to write than the others.
Not because I didn’t know what to say.
But because I knew exactly what I wanted to say.
Some words are easy to write when they are only ideas.
Others become difficult when they carry emotions.
The hardest parts of writing EQUILIBRIUM were the parts about letting go.
Because letting go sounds simple when you say it out loud.
But in real life, it rarely is.
We don’t always let go because we stopped loving.
Sometimes we let go because we finally understand that love cannot be carried by one person alone.
That was difficult to put into words.
I had to sit with the uncomfortable truth that caring for someone does not mean waiting endlessly for them.
That understanding someone’s struggles does not mean accepting behavior that hurts you.
That giving someone space does not mean putting your own life on pause.
And that choosing yourself does not automatically mean you stopped loving someone.
Those realizations became some of the most important words in the book.
I rewrote certain passages.
I paused.
I questioned whether I was being too honest
Then I realized something:
The book couldn’t be honest if I wasn’t willing to be honest with myself first.
So I kept writing.
Not to tell anyone’s story.
Not to prove who was right.
Not to expose anyone.
But to capture something many of us experience quietly—the moment when we realize that protecting our peace is not selfish.
It is necessary.
That chapter became difficult because it wasn’t simply about letting someone go.
It was about letting go of the version of myself that believed I had to hold on to everything I loved.
And perhaps that is one of the hardest things we ever learn:
Sometimes the person we need to choose isn’t someone else.
It’s ourselves.
That chapter stayed with me long after I finished writing it.
Maybe because some chapters aren’t difficult to write because they are complicated.
They’re difficult because they are true.
— AmitafLee
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