There are moments in life when silence speaks louder than words. Between May and August 2025, my children and I faced some of the harshest truths imaginable. After six years together with my ex-husband, we made the difficult decision to walk away. It wasn’t a dramatic breakup. It was more of a quiet unraveling that ultimately led me to set firmer emotional boundaries.
This is my story.
The Cause
It can be difficult to recognize patterns in people or in complicated situations. It often feels like a tug-of-war between love, loyalty, peace, and obligation. For years, I tolerated confusing behaviors and unreasonable expectations that slowly chipped away at my peace and self-confidence. I gave financially, emotionally, and spiritually, hoping my ex-husband's support and affection would be reciprocated. But when support was needed most, he chose distance and avoidance.
Why?
It wasn’t because he couldn’t be present.
He simply chose not to be—because being present didn’t serve his interests.
The Shift Toward Stability
After walking away, I began to notice something important: my children and I were genuinely happier. Naturally, they still asked about their dad—which they should—but they also started spending more time with their cousins, enjoying good food, and exploring local parks and budget-friendly family activities. Meanwhile, I redirected my energy toward building Hari’s Helping Hands and keeping up with my online classes, balancing work and personal growth.
This shift made me reflect deeply on what I allow into my life—as a young woman and a mother. My kids weren’t watching me chase after someone who didn’t want to be caught anymore. They weren’t absorbing the confusion of being ignored, then suddenly remembered, or the turmoil of constant yelling and tears.
I’m learning, slowly but surely, that we both deserve better. Being together just isn’t the answer. Sometimes progression means choosing what—and who—you leave behind in order to become the person you need to be going forward.
Wisdom for Everyone
Not everyone in your life is there to grow with you. Some are there to lean on you, and some are there to watch you. The hardest part is accepting that even those closest to you, like partners, family, and friends, may not be emotionally equipped to support your growth.
Here's what I've learned:
- Support isn't just about showing up when things get bad. It's about being present when things are good, too.
- Emotional labor is not a relationship add-on. You don't owe anyone your peace just because they're struggling.
- Silence is a boundary! You're not being petty if people aren't adding value in your life. It's called being protective!
- Stop over-explaining yourself to people who weren't (or aren't) listening. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
- Start investing in your own healing. Hold yourself accountable when it is time to heal and grow.
Final Thoughts
I don't know what's in store for my family and I, but I know one thing: WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH! Creating Hari's Helping Hands is showing me how important it is to serve others in ways where they need it most. I believe in helping others, but not at the cost of my own wellbeing.
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