Over the last few weeks, I thought I was healing.
I felt calmer.
More grounded.
Less pulled toward the person who had once occupied so much of my mind and heart.
I started creating again.
Planning again.
Imagining a future that didn’t revolve around waiting.
And then, unexpectedly, everything shifted.
Not in a dramatic way.
Just a small moment of contact.
A familiar presence.
A reminder of feelings I thought were softening.
And suddenly I was right back inside the ache.
Crying.
Overthinking.
Remembering everything.
Feeling the old hope and the old grief rise at the same time.
If you’ve ever experienced limerence, you may know this feeling well:
The fear that healing was an illusion.
The shame of “going backwards.”
The question that whispers,
“Why can’t I just move on?”
But here is the truth I am slowly learning:
Healing from limerence is not linear.
It doesn’t move in a straight line from pain to peace.
It moves in waves.
Calm.
Trigger.
Grief.
Understanding.
And then, slowly, calm again.
Relapse doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means something tender inside you is still asking to be seen.
Because limerence is rarely only about another person.
It is often about:
- longing to feel chosen
- fear of being left behind
- old attachment wounds resurfacing
- hope trying to protect the heart from loss
When those deeper layers are touched,
the feelings return with surprising strength.
Not because you are weak.
But because you are human.
The part no one talks about
What hurts most in limerence isn’t just missing someone.
It’s living in the space between:
what you feel
and
what reality gives back.
That space can feel unbearable.
Like your life is paused while the world keeps moving.
And yet, even inside that pain,
something important can still be happening.
Awareness.
Compassion.
The beginning of choosing yourself — even if only for a moment.
A quieter kind of progress
This time, something felt different for me.
Yes, the pain returned.
Yes, the longing was still there.
But alongside it was a small, steady voice saying:
“This hurts… and I still deserve peace.”
That voice is new.
And maybe that is what healing actually looks like.
Not the absence of feeling.
But the presence of self-compassion inside the feeling.
If you are in this place too
If you thought you were healing
and suddenly feel pulled back into limerence again…
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
And you have not lost your progress.
You are simply in another wave of the process.
And waves do pass.
Gently.
Slowly.
But truly.
Where to begin again
When everything feels tangled,
the most helpful place to return is not force or shame…
but understanding.
That’s why I created a gentle set of resources for women experiencing limerence —
including a free support app and step-by-step recovery workbooks.
Not to rush healing.
But to walk through it one compassionate step at a time.
You can begin here:
→ Explore the free Limerence Support App
→ Start the Understanding Limerence workbook
Because even if today feels like going backwards,
healing is still possible from this exact place.
And you don’t have to do it alone.