They don’t know me. Not really. But they’ve already decided I’m the problem. The enemy. The face to scream at, blame, and unload every ounce of rage on. And for a split second, my gut wants to match it—to throw the hate right back.
But then I realize… they don’t even know why they feel this way. They’ve just been living in it so long, they can’t tell the difference between truth and the anger that’s consuming them.
When Anger Feels Justified
And that’s when I have to stop myself. Because matching their fire doesn’t put it out—it just burns us both.
The truth is, some people aren’t attacking you at all. They’re swinging at shadows, old wounds, and lies they’ve been fed for years. They’ve been convinced that hate is strength, that lashing out is protection, and that destroying others somehow makes them safer.
It’s tempting to meet them at the same level. To “give them a taste of their own medicine.” And if we’re honest, it feels justified—because they are wrong, and what they’re doing is destructive.
But here’s the hard truth: throwing rage back into their rage doesn’t change them. It just proves to them that hate works.
What We’re Really Seeing
When you strip away the shouting and the insults, you see something deeper—fear. Loneliness. A gnawing emptiness that no amount of anger can fill. They’re drowning, and instead of reaching for a life raft, they’re pulling others under just to keep themselves from sinking.
Jesus saw this kind of blindness when He said from the cross,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
He didn’t just forgive them—He understood them. He saw that they were acting out of spiritual starvation, manipulated by fear, pride, and lies they didn’t even know they were believing.
Why We Can’t Write Them Off
It’s easier to cut them off completely. To call them “toxic” and walk away. And sometimes, for safety, we do need boundaries. But boundaries aren’t the same as abandonment.
When we fully write someone off, we leave them with no tether to truth, no reminder that there is still such a thing as mercy, grace, and love. We surrender them to the darkness that’s already winning in their life.
Becoming the Light in Their Smoke
Sometimes, we can’t talk sense into someone lost in anger—they’re too busy shouting to hear us. But we can still show them something different.
We can be calm when they’re volatile.
Kind when they’re cruel.
Steady when they’re trying to shake us.
Not because they deserve it in that moment, but because we remember what’s really at stake: their soul, their peace, their freedom from whatever’s gripping them so tightly.
When we do that, we become a contradiction to everything they think is true. And sometimes, that quiet contradiction is enough to make them wonder if there’s another way to live.
Pray for a Changed Heart—Theirs and Yours
Empathy in the face of hate doesn’t happen because we grit our teeth and force it. It happens when we ask God to let us see them through His eyes.
“Lord, help me to see past the shouting.
Help me remember they’re not my enemy—Your enemy has just convinced them to act like it.
Soften my heart when it wants to harden.
Give me the strength to love them even if they never change.”
Because when we stop feeding the fire and start shining the light, we give God room to work in places our words could never reach.
Journal Prompt:
- Who is someone you’ve been tempted to match anger-for-anger?
- What would it look like to respond in a way that leaves the door open for their redemption?