We all know what it feels like to be angry. Someone cuts us off in traffic, someone speaks unfairly about us, or we feel judged for what we believe. Anger can rise up fast, sometimes before we even realize it. And truthfully, anger itself isn’t bad—it’s part of being human.
But there’s a line we don’t talk about enough.
It’s when anger doesn’t fade.
It doesn’t just burn hot for a few minutes and then cool down. Instead, it lingers, grows heavier, and begins to twist how we see the world. We start to find ourselves imagining harm, or maybe even celebrating when something bad happens to someone we disagree with.
If you’ve ever felt that, I want you to hear me clearly: you are not broken, you are not beyond help, and you are not condemned for having those feelings. You are, however, in a place where you need support. Because while anger is normal, celebrating harm or wanting to lash out is a warning sign. It’s your soul’s way of saying, “I can’t carry this alone anymore.”
Why Anger Feels So Heavy
Anger is often called a “secondary emotion.” That means it usually comes after something else—hurt, fear, shame, rejection, loss, or even exhaustion. When we can’t process those deeper feelings, anger steps in as a shield. It feels stronger, safer, more in control.
But holding anger too long is like holding fire in your bare hands. Eventually, it burns the one carrying it. It can lead to broken relationships, reckless choices, and even physical health problems. Studies show that unchecked anger raises blood pressure, stresses the heart, and keeps the body in a constant state of fight-or-flight.
That’s why it’s so important to pay attention—not just to what we feel in the heat of the moment, but to what our anger is trying to cover up. Are we lonely? Do we feel unseen? Are we carrying grief we never got to express? Are we afraid no one will understand us? When anger becomes the only language we know, it’s usually because something deeper is crying out to be heard.
When Anger Turns Dangerous
There’s a difference between being upset and being unsafe. You can disagree passionately, even argue strongly, without it becoming dangerous. But when thoughts of violence creep in—whether it’s daydreaming about hurting someone, feeling joy at another person’s pain, or wanting to lash out at strangers—this isn’t just anger anymore. It’s a call for help.
Too often, people carry these feelings in silence. They’re afraid if they admit them, they’ll be locked up, labeled, or shamed. But that’s not the truth. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’ll be condemned—it means you’ll be supported. Therapists, counselors, pastors, and even trusted friends know how to listen without judgment. Sometimes just saying the words out loud, “I don’t feel safe with my own thoughts right now,” can be the very thing that breaks anger’s grip.
And if you’re reading this and know someone who always seems angry—always irritable, snapping at others, or isolating themselves—don’t brush it off. Don’t tell yourself, “That’s just how they are.” Often, constant anger is a mask for deeper pain. Reaching out with a simple question—“Are you okay? Do you want to talk?”—could open the door to healing.
The Cost of Silence
Here’s the truth: anger doesn’t just go away on its own. Left unspoken, it festers. The longer it stays bottled up, the more pressure builds. And when it finally erupts, it doesn’t just hurt the person carrying it—it hurts everyone around them. Families are fractured. Friendships end. Communities suffer.
We’ve all seen stories in the news of people lashing out violently. While each story is different, so many of them have the same root: someone carried anger, bitterness, and resentment alone for too long. No one noticed, or no one knew what to do. Silence became the fertilizer that allowed the anger to grow into something destructive.
But it doesn’t have to get to that point. Anger, even at its most overwhelming, can be worked through. There are healthier ways to release it, healthier ways to heal. And it all begins with connection—with choosing not to carry it alone anymore.
Taking the First Step
If you’re carrying anger that scares you, I know the hardest part is admitting it. It feels risky to say, “I’m not okay. I’m thinking things I shouldn’t.” But that’s the bravest and most powerful thing you can do.
Here are a few practical steps to begin:
- Tell someone you trust. It doesn’t have to be a therapist right away. Start with a friend, family member, pastor, or mentor. Just speaking the words lifts some of the weight.
- Write it down. Journaling can be a safe way to release anger without acting on it. Don’t censor yourself. Get the feelings out on paper and notice what’s underneath them.
- Move your body. Anger builds physical energy. Exercise, even a walk, helps release that tension in a healthy way.
- Breathe and ground yourself. When anger feels overwhelming, pause. Try deep breathing, prayer, or grounding exercises (like naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear). It interrupts the spiral.
- Seek professional help. Therapists, counselors, and coaches are trained to help you understand and manage anger in safe ways. If cost or access is an issue, look for community programs, churches, or support groups. If you are able..Start one yourself!
If You See Someone Else Struggling
If someone in your life is constantly angry, it’s easy to want to back away. And yes, protecting your own safety is always the top priority. But don’t underestimate the impact of showing care. Sometimes people lash out the most because they feel the most unseen.
You don’t have to “fix” them, but you can:
- Ask if they’re okay.
- Encourage them to talk to a professional.
- Remind them they’re not alone.
- Stay safe, but stay compassionate.
Even if they don’t accept your support right away, your effort tells them that someone notices, someone cares, and someone believes they can heal.
Hope Beyond Anger
It’s easy to believe anger defines you, but it doesn’t. You are not your anger. Anger is a signal, a warning light on the dashboard of your soul. It’s telling you something is wrong and needs attention. With the right support, that signal can lead to healing, peace, and a life no longer ruled by rage.
If you’re carrying anger that feels too big, please don’t carry it alone anymore. Reach out. Share it. Take that step. Your healing matters, and your life matters.
Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling with overwhelming anger or violent thoughts, here are places you can reach out for support:
- Email me personally: shell@wealthwithincoaching.com
- National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.): Dial 988 anytime, day or night
- SAMHSA Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – free, confidential treatment and referral information
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (available 24/7 in the U.S.)
- Faith-Based Support: Many local churches and faith organizations have pastors trained in counseling—don’t hesitate to ask.
- If you’re outside the U.S.: Check findahelpline.com for international hotlines and resources near you.
Final Word
Anger doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. But carrying it alone until it poisons your life is not the way forward. You deserve freedom from that weight. Healing is possible. Please, take the first step today.