Moods are such strange creatures.
Sometimes, we wake up full of curiosity, excitement for the day ahead, certain that all will be sunshine, fun and laughter.
The next day, it seems as if a huge weight is pressing down on us before we’ve even got out of bed. The world seems flat and mono-coloured grey and the day ahead looks full of insurmountable problems and difficult people.
Our thoughts are gloomy and miserable.
How we can get stuck in moods
Why these moods come and go is never clear.
We think it’s us, our childhood or because we haven’t eaten the perfect diet or got the right genes. We suspect it might be because of the weather or the economy or that person in the shop who glowered at us yesterday.
We can go on life-long journeys trying to unravel the cause of our low moods.
There are so many different ways we might try to deal with our poor moods. We might force ourself to be more positive, zone out watching tv or scroll through social media. We’ll do something pointless to distract ourself from the pain our moods bring us.
And then to make it worse, we berate ourselves for being so negative. Not only do we have the low mood to contend with but we also pile on guilt and shame for not being able to think our way out of it.
As if that were ever possible.
When I look back, taking a low mood seriously was one of the most significant reasons I found creating a business so difficult. My working day was a constant battle against the tyranny of the low mood.
If I felt good, I was excited and rushed through my work, grateful for the spark of creativity and productivity the mood gave me but terrified that at any moment a change of heart would come winging its way towards me out of nowhere.
I knew that once a low mood found me, I got very little done. I wasn’t sure anyone, ever would see any value in any of my work, it all seemed pointless. I feared that this current mood, a lack of hope was a predictor of a future lack of success.
I was a human see–saw. Up and down, up and down. With very little control or understanding.
A new way of understanding moods
Eventually I stumbled across an understanding of how we experience life that made more sense than decades of exploration of psychology and self-help and I began to see my moods from a very different perspective.
No matter how successful, or spiritually evolved or together we seem moods strike us all – we forget that their presence is simply part of being human.
I realised with great relief that I didn’t need to take them seriously.
It was no longer necessary to dissect my moods or analyse them in detail. I didn’t have to spend time anyalsing where in the depths of my childhood it had come from.
They were simply low moods.
For me, this was flipping huge (the insight not the mood!).
It meant that I didn’t have to take any of my low mood thinking seriously and I could carry on with my day.
I knew the feeling of being down would change.
I realised that it made my thinking faulty and inappropriately negative so it was wise to postpone any task that involved a judgement from me about my work and it was best to leave those decisions to a brighter mood.
This doesn’t mean that I never have a low mood or get lost in it but it does mean that at some point, I will remember the truth about these feelings.
How to deal with your moods
So understand that moods are the way of things, it’s just how life is. But they don’t have to undermine your faith in yourself.
Don’t fight them, don’t try and technique your way out of them. Know that they will pass and the more you leave them alone, the quicker this will happen.
Recognise that your thinking in a low mood is not at its best – your thinking is more accurate and creative when your mood is higher but you can still get work done. You can still run a household, a business, a marathon.
You are still fully, gloriously you and your moods do not define you.
So remember…
- We all have moods – to be human is to experience the lows and the highs
- You don’t need to do anything to deal with your moods except feel them.
- Be present with each mood, with every feeling and trust that when you do this, it will move on.
- No mood lasts forever and the less we try and fiddle with them, the quicker they pass.
- Really enjoy the good moods, squeeze every last amount of joy out of them that you can. Celebrate them.
- Don’t fear the bad or low moods. Have faith that they’re not going to last. They are not who you are.
- Remember our thinking when we are in a low mood is overly pessimistic and not to be trusted. Make important decisions when you are upbeat and more able to think clearly.
- Allow it all.