“Loyal to a Fault, Moist to a Mission”
You know what they say,
"All roads lead to Rome."
But who is they? Never mind that. They said it.
Rome was on one.
They weren’t just conquering, they were paving.
Literally.
With over 250,000 miles of road stretching across Europe, Africa, and Asia,
Rome built the original GPS-free network.
Soldiers marched on it.
Merchants traded on it.
Messages flew down it faster than your group chat drama.
And where did it all lead?
Back to Rome.
Always.
Because Rome had trust issues, it wanted to keep tabs on everything.
So:
"All roads lead to Rome" = no matter where you go, you're still under the empire’s watchful, toga-wrapped eye.
But roads?
Roads are dusty.
Rigid.
Full of potholes and midlife crises.
What does post have to do with Rome?
Absolutely nothing.
But water?
But pipes though?
Oh, honey.
Pipes are loyal.
Faithful.
Wet with purpose.
Give 'em a leather jacket, call 'em Pipes & Leather
So, they say.
They don’t ask questions.
They deliver as promised.
Because no matter where they twist, turn, or tangle,
All pipes lead to the Plant.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Without hesitation.
Without rebellion.
Without an “I need to explore my options” phase.
You could reroute them.
Redirect them.
Even disrespect them.
But the water?
It knows.
It may splash around,
flirt with gutters,
get frisky with the curb during a storm,
But when the time comes to be clean,
it flows straight home.
To the Plant.
Where the Holy Trinity of Hydration™ reigns supreme.
Father, Son, and…Reverse Osmosis.
Because that’s where the true miracle happens.
Where sin-filled sewer water gets sanctified,
Drinketh, ye sinners.
For this is my Brita,
which is poured out for you.
One sip, and suddenly you’re quoting Leviticus while doing hot yoga.
Two sips, and you’re texting your ex:
“I forgive you. Also, you were dehydrated.”
Because this isn’t just water.
It’s Liquid Salvation.
Triple-filtered.
Perfectly pH balanced.
And infused with a hint of divine judgment.
So next time you turn on the tap…
Say a little prayer.
Bow your head.
And whisper:
“Forgive me, Hydration Daddy, for I have thirsted.”
Blessed be the plant.
What About The Plant?
The Plant doesn’t chase water.
It doesn’t slide into your drains at 2AM whispering, “u up?”
No.
It sits there.
Still.
Moistly majestic.
Because the Plant 'knows the water will come'.
It doesn't need to look for it.
It’s the endgame.
The final destination.
The Netflix and filtration.
And those pipes?
Those dependable, pressurized, pipe-laying icons?
They never forget where they’re headed.
Even if they detour through heartbreak, hair clogs, or someone's emotional sewage,
They always return.
Because that's what loyalty looks like in a wet, leaky world.
So the next time you’re wondering if they’ll come back…
If they’ll remember your valves, your filters, your deep clean energy,
Don’t worry.
They will.
How do we know?
Because they said so....
All roads lead to Rome.
All stairs lead to Heave...nvm. (Consider a new staircase)
All pipes, no matter how far they stray…
Lead to the Plant.
Loyal as hell.
Committed as hell.
Moist as hell.
Where does that leave us?
Water....
Nestled delicately...
between....
Baking Soda (pH ~9)
Grandma’s favorite cure-all.
Whiter teeth,
fresher fridge,
Volcano's at the science fair.
And... you guessed it.....
Vaginal pH. (~4.5)
The frontline of defense.
The sacred vault.
Acidic enough to melt an ego,
but welcoming, if you’ve got the right credentials.
Right in the middle of war and worship.
Of cleaning agents and creation chambers.
Of volcanoes and vaginas. ɅV Inc.
Water sits at the summit of neutrality,
holding the line with a firm 7.
So for all my water signs out there,
Cancers,
Pisces,
Scorpios pretending not to cry,
You are the master key.
The Rain that falls.
The Flood that cleanses.
The Chlorine that kills.
The Reservoir that holds.
The Station that pumps.
The Pipes that flow.
Cheers to bridging the gap.
Cheers to a life of balance.
Holding scalding lava & fire in one hand,
and any delicate lotus flower you choose in the other.