So, I wasn’t even listening to God’s Plan by Drake this morning.
For context:
But apparently God decided I needed a starring role in the remix.
Out for a morning run.
In my running shorts.
Rocking my money clip (the fancy butterfly kind) that holds my ID, debit cards, and, for reasons unknown to anyone but past-me, a single gaming card from 81 Arcade back in Sioux Falls.
To keep things “organized,” I’d threaded the key from my short-term rental onto the clip.
Genius, right? One place for everything.
My running shorts even have zipper pockets. Because, you know, those exist so your valuables don’t fall out.
Fast forward 2.3 miles into my run: I reach down for my pocket. The zipper’s open.
I don’t feel my clip.
I reach inside, and all I pull out is one lonely key to my rental, looking up at me like, “Bro… it’s just us now.”
God, what exactly do you have planned for me in York?
I wasn’t planning on leaving, but apparently you’re not letting me leave either?!?!
Cue me, panic-jogging back the way I came, scanning the sidewalks like a truffle pig sniffing out my fancy clip. My pace was about 20min per mile, so I was basically flying.
Halfway back, though, I screeched to a halt in front of a sign that said HOT BREAKFAST SANDWICHES.
Listen, priorities.
And folks, it may well have been the biggest breakfast sandwich I’ve ever laid eyes (or jaws) on.
England, you win this round.
Anyway, thank the Queen and the digital age that everything over here is pay-by-Apple Wallet.
Almost like I was meant to lose that stuff that wasn’t serving me anymore. Why cling onto the past? Dead weight.. right?
But don’t worry, because the second I finished my sandwich, I got right back to worrying.
Sure, it was completely out of my control…but when you have zero options, worrying feels like the only cardio you can still do.
Reporting live from the fetal position on my Airbnb floor,
P.S.
For anyone who’s wondering, Drakes dad never played baseball with him (very apparent in this video) But at least he knows how to gamble and play slots living a fulfilled life. (See computer)