Nothing I hate more than when you're on a two man and your boy hits you with this number:
“Yo Bro,
You remember that one time you landed an interview at Opendoor for VP of Sales—just by tracking down and cold-emailing the CEO?
Then in the interview they straight-up said they wanted to be the next Carvana turnaround story?
Then you went home and dropped the entire business proposal on the CEO’s desk—like, a 20-page blueprint on how to save the company? (Not relevant just a flex)
Then out of nowhere Eric Jackson—the guy whose whole personality is basically ‘I called Carvana, now I just keep looking for the next Carvana’—‘discovers’ Opendoor…
And he tweets about how ‘hard it is,’ when in reality the company practically gift-wrapped the opportunity to his ego?
And then—get this—he just memes about Opendoor every single day for two months, pumping the stock from $0.51 to $3.17 like it’s some Reddit sideshow…
While the world thinks it’s all a meme, but inside Opendoor they’re literally orchestrating the whole thing, and Eric pretends he’s grinding away like a genius instead of just recycling the same schtick?
And then Eric starts targeting the CEO—Carrie Wheeler—She gets so swamped with all the attention she taps out and steps down… which sends the stock even higher?
Yeah, bro. I remember.”
How Did I Get Here? I Heard The Word 'Carvana' On May 15th.
The Setup
The thing about Opendoor is—it wasn’t just chaos.
It was choreography. By someone on this inside.
That person dropped “Carvana turnaround” to the hiring team in the interview like a seed.
Eric Jackson? He's predictable—his entire shtick is spotting the next Carvana.
All they had to do was dangle the word.
"We're making a major turnaround at opendoor"
His Twitter/X Bio:
“The Carvana hedge fund guy. All he does is try to find the next Carvana over & over again”
The Meme Prophet
Big surprise, Jackson takes the bait because of his huge fucking ego. Who woulda thought.
He starts tweeting: $OPEN could be a 100-bagger. Could go to $82.
This is the Carvana playbook.
He tells the world he’s in it for the long run, not a meme.
Meanwhile he’s posting memes nonstop: “Retail is already locked in. The believers are loud before the run.”
And the stock? It runs.
The Accusation Game
Then the switch flips.
Jackson stops cheerleading and starts prosecuting.
Like someone's feeding his huge ego as a sound board.
But cookie moster can't refuse cookie.
Ego Hungry!
- “Carrie Wheeler never does interviews.”
- “She’s constantly selling stock, never buying.”
- “She’s invisible.”
The narrative writes itself.
He frames himself as the activist investor holding leadership accountable.
The pressure builds.
Media swarms.
Carrie steps down.
The stock rallies again.
Perfect optics.
The Projection
But here’s the joke:
Everything he accused her of?
That was him.
He was the invisible one, hiding behind memes.
He was the one with no real skin in the game, just clout chasing.
He was the one projecting silence, while being the inside man all along.
It wasn’t activism—it was performance.
The Big Reveal
And here’s the part no one knows:
The only person at Opendoor who ever emailed me back?
the only one who didn’t ghost me, the only one who took the time?
was Carrie Wheeler.
The same Carrie Wheeler Jackson dragged through the mud.
The same CEO who held the line long enough to post the first positive EBITDA in three years.
The same leader who, when the tide rose, was shoved out to make room for the “turnaround” narrative to play clean on the headlines.
She wasn’t invisible.
She wasn’t detached.
She was the one who actually answered.
And that’s the irony no meme can cover up.
Someone tell Eric his Mug is ready:
So, who had the most to gain from this elaborate plan?
Surely not the new President.
Surely not any major stake holders.
My best guess, eric was just a pawn.
When word gets out, I'm opting for 'accidental death' over hush money.
But hey, maybe I'm wrong.
Dalton Bristow
The Bullshit Sniffer guy. All he does is try to find Bullshit to sniff up over & over again”