Over a year ago, I wrote a set of personal standards in the Notes app on my phone.

These weren’t rules in the strictest sense, more like observations.

Patterns I kept noticing in people’s behavior, especially when it came to advice, relationships, and the sometimes-messy overlap between the two.

Of all those notes, one stood out the most. I labeled it Rule #9.

And I find myself revisiting it regularly, because the pattern keeps showing up in life.

July 1, 2024 — Rule #9

You protect your mind from intruders and choose your friends carefully.

At its core, this means being selective about the voices you allow into your head.

And in my experience, this lesson comes up a lot when navigating relationships, particularly romantic ones.

Not everyone giving you advice has your best interests at heart, especially if they don’t have what you want.

For example, taking romantic counsel from someone who’s chronically single, bitter from past experiences, or perpetually dissatisfied in their own love life… might not be the wisest move.

It’s not about judging people or believing that single individuals have nothing valuable to say. Far from it.

But context matters. People who are unhappy, resentful, or cynical about relationships can unintentionally plant seeds of doubt or sabotage in your mind.

Jealousy can creep in.

Gratitude can be absent.

Misery loves company.

A woman who’s hurt and jaded might subtly chip away at your view of your partner.

A friend who’s never experienced healthy love might tell you your standards are “too high,” or that your partner is “too controlling” when in fact they’re simply committed and communicative.

It’s not always malicious.

Sometimes it’s projection.

Sometimes it’s unresolved pain.

Either way, it’s noise you don’t need clouding your judgment.

So Rule #9 is my personal filter:

• Does this person have what I want in life or relationships?
• Do they reflect the values and outcomes I’m aiming for?
• Are they asking questions that invite, or instill belief?
• Are they speaking from experience or simply from opinion?

If the answer is no, I’ll smile, nod politely, and move on.

Because when it comes to love (or any significant goal), you need to guard your mind like a fortress.

The wrong influence, even from someone you care about, can steer you off course.

But Here’s the Nuance…

There’s a danger in applying Rule #9 too rigidly.

A single friend might actually have the clearest perspective because they’re watching from the outside. Someone who’s been through heartbreak might spot red flags you’re too infatuated to see.

Wisdom doesn’t only come from people who “have what you want.”

So the real heart of Rule #9 is…balance.

Filter advice carefully, but stay humble enough to consider insights from anyone, even if their life looks different from yours.

It’s not about arrogance or assuming you know better than everyone else. It’s about recognizing that people speak from their own lens. And sometimes, that lens is clouded.

Reflective Questions

• Who do I currently seek advice from about my relationships or personal goals?
• Are these people living the kind of life I aspire to live?
• Have I ever allowed someone’s bitterness or cynicism to change how I feel about my partner?
• Am I careful about sharing relationship details with friends or family who might be biased or wounded?
• How can I better protect my mind from “intruders” while still staying open to helpful feedback?

Your mind is sacred.

Protect it.

Choose your advisors wisely.

And remember: not every voice deserves a seat at your decision-making table.

That’s Rule #9.